Liana's Ship (#ONC 2021)

17. Zan: Absolute Beginner

A curse on my honesty. I awaited for the look of derision on Liana's face.

She was laughing.

"I'm so delighted that you find it funny." I said, this hadn't gone the way I planned.

She wiped away a tear and straightened up in the chair Thera had grown. It must have taken Thera a lot of energy to form it. I hoped she was conserving herself.

"I'm sorry," she said, when she finished laughing, "I'm amused because I can't dance either. But I guess it's not a big deal for us. I wasn't mocking you, I promise."

I raised my eyebrow, "I watched Earth documentaries about it Liana," Thera had grown a chair for me, much to my dismay, I sat down. "You have broadcasts of your courtship rituals. Couples dance in front of an audience on a shiny floor and bright lights. There's these judges that send the loser off for not doing the courtship properly." I explained, I could not believe it, It was awful to watch. I hate to think of the shame the poor human will face, not to mention his future prospects. Back home, the best an unmated male will get is the worst of menial work."

I had hoped Liana would sympathise, but to my dismay, Liana started laughing again. Her eyes creased up and I feared she would fall off the chair.

"Oh my God!" She said, uttering an Earth curse, "It's not that I don't feel for you or your situation, it's just." She paused, "Look I'm not laughing at your inexperience or your ability to dance. "How do I put this? You weren't watching a courtship ritual documentary, you were watching a dance contest."

I gave a blank look, "a dancing competition where the winner gets to marry a prized female?"

"Umm no, not even close," she replied. "They put on a Saturday night, for entertainment." Imust have looked puzzled, so she tried a different approach, "A famous person is paired with someone who dances for a living, someone who dances for money."

"You mean someone who works in a pleasure house?" I asked.

Liana put her face in her hands, "not like that. They only dance for fun, because it feels good. Not for sex. Don't Xerans dance for fun?"

"No, why would anyone do that? You only dance for rituals where I come from. Is there any other way?"

"Uh," Liana said, "On Earth, it's not part of courtship. It can be but it's not essential."

"I see," I said, I didn't believe it, I watched a lot of the shows designing the orientation for the crew. Got them to study the routines "if you do not get the sequence right," I had said, "your chances of success will lower." The recruits had nodded agreement, practiced long hours perfecting the moves with no success. Now I wondered, had we got it wrong all along?

"Why would they bother learning the dances then?" I said, eager to find out where I went wrong, "if there was no reward?"

"There is a reward but it's not what you're thinking." Liana replied, "Some of the competitors haven't had any work for a while. They hope that taking part will get them some more recognition and employment. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.. They're all paid to do it anyway, no promises of marriage. There's a trophy for the winner but it's not of much value. It looks rather tacky in my opinion."

"So I was watching a broadcast for the sole purpose of amusing humans?" I asked, astounded. I'd watched hours of these shows, studying these moves and humans viewed these shows as nothing but entertainment? "So what exactly do humans do in courtship?"

"We talk generally and flirt mostly. Sometimes it doesn't really mean we want to be with that person, it just passes the time." She shrugged, "some people are better at it than others. We call it dating. I wish I could tell you more but I'm not good at it."

She wasn't good at this dating? This was a revelation I wasn't expecting to hear. I thought after the explanation she gave me about human rituals, she would be an expert. "So what do I do to be good at your human ritual, if you are not an expert?"

"In your case Zan, you only have to say Three little words, Zan. Are you ready? Repeat after me."

I faced her and took a deep breath, "I'm ready," I said, feeling anything but.

"I'm a pirate."

"What?"

"You could make it four: I'm a space pirate if you want to elaborate. Trust me on this, women love a bad boy."

"I-I but I don't understand?" I stuttered, "I have not been a youngling for a long while,"

"It's a saying," she reassured me, "it means a rebel, that's good, makes you interesting. Though technically you're a privateer, your government sponsored the piracy but we don't tell them that, Zan. You say you're a space pirate then you listen to the woman, pay attention to what they say. Compliment them a little, try it with me." She held her hands out.

"Seriously?" I said, my mouth was dry. I had never done this before. I took her hands, though only to steady myself. I only hoped by the red sun my palms weren't sweating.

I said the one thing I could think of. It was garbled and broke the remaining professional dignity I had left. Any reputation I had had been destroyed long ago, so what did I have left to lose?

"I like the shade of your keratin head covering, err, I mean hair," I mumbled, looking into her eyes, a brilliant blue that almost matched my skin, "and those markings on your arms are remarkable." I let go of her hands, ready for Thera's tendrils to envelop around me and digest me. This was so embarrassing.

"So," she said, "you've said you like my hair?"

"Yes, it reminds me of the sunsets back home."

"But you said you like my freckles." She frowned, "not so good. Freckles are not desirable in humans."

"They're not?"

"No, I've tried everything to get rid of them!" She laughed, "I guess it takes all sorts or red haired ladies would go extinct." Her laughter made my skin buzz all over. Now I needed a seat and something to cover my lap. "How do you know if it is successful? This dating?"

"Well," she cleared her throat, you wait until you hear of this Earth thing called kissing." She moved closer to me, I hoped she wouldn't get too close, I wasn't in a fit state, I needed to jump into a cold plunge pool and read some data readings right about now. The duller the data, the better.

An alarm makes us both jump almost to the ceiling. Tendrils parted the doorway and Betalaina ran in. She knocked a number of tendrils off as she did so.

"Traction beam," she only had the illusion of breathing but I swore she was gasping for breath, "your father, he's boarding Thera!"

Just as I'm making something resembling success, My father moved the deadline forward. I should be shocked but his impatience was well known.

Amorous thoughts dispelled, I ran to check the pods, while guiding Liana and Betalaina to safety.