𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑀𝑎𝑙𝑓𝑜𝑦'𝑠 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 ~𝑆.𝑀. (Part 2)

chapter seventeen

THEIA'S POV:
I was in my dorm, laying down. Thinking about everything, the O.W.L. exams, and just my whole life in general. The exams were today, I had no idea where Scorpius was but I didn't care at the moment, I wanted to rest after the exams.

ELLE'S POV:
After a few days, Draco and I grew closer, it was really nice to have him by my side, he was really handsome, and also he was helping me around the house a lot even though I told him that I was used to doing everything alone.

"Elle?" I heard a voice while laying on my stomach, thinking about him. What did he do to me? Why do I feel this weird feeling when I'm around him? I honestly had no idea, not even half of the idea.

I turned around and saw him standing in front of my bed, with breakfast and coffee in his hands. "Good morning, prince- Elle." he corrected himself and gave me the breakfast he made. "Good morning," I said softly and smiled at him. 

Waffles with caramel. My favorite food. He already knows me very well.

"Thank you" I replied and began to eat one out of three waffles, they were really good, and not going to lie, he's a really good chef.

"Enjoy. I'm going out for a walk." He said harshly and walked out of my room, he wasn't in a good mood today but he was still cute.  "O-" I didn't finish my sentence when he left.

I finished my waffles, drank my coffee, and went to the shower. It was really refreshing, I honestly thought that it'll be just a normal shower but I felt way better as soon as I stepped into it.

I heard a door open, I was kinda shocked because I didn't expect anyone to come in. I popped my head out of the shower and saw Draco by the wall, shirtless and with boxers only, he was looking directly at me.

"You know I've always wanted to take a shower with someone." He said coldly but I could see that tiny little smirk on his face. I honestly didn't know what to say because he was really fucking hot but I didn't know if I was comfortable enough to shower with him.

"C'mon" He took his boxers off and got into the shower with me, I didn't know how to react or how to move, but I tried to not look at him.

"Don't flatter yourself, I've seen loads of women naked." He stood behind me and placed his hands on my waist. I honestly felt butterflies in my stomach and it made me feel a little more confident, so I turned around and smiled.

"Oh- wow" He paused for a second and checked my body out. It was like Deja Vu like we've done this before but I knew that we haven't because we've
never met or seen each other before.

"What?" I laughed softly and he placed his hands on my waist again, but this time his face was facing mine. "You're gorgeous, you know that?" He chuckled softly too and I blushed a little.

"Thank you, you're not a dog yourself," I said jokingly and he looked at me surprised. "Oh really?" He smiled, it was weird to see him smile because he rarely did it but his smile was one of the prettiest things I've ever seen.

"Yes," I said. "Can I wash your hair?" He asked me and smiled again, I got a weird flashback. I had literally no idea where it came from and I don't remember everything that happened but it was just kind of like a nostalgia feeling.

I stood there literally naked in front of Draco and he started to wash my hair, the feeling of him washing it was unreal, it was really fucking good but like I said it before it felt weird like this has happened before.

"Do you like it?" Draco asked me quietly and I smiled like an idiot. "Yes. I do" I replied and he continued washing my soft hair I could feel and understand that he was actually enjoying it too, but I can't complain because I love the feeling of his hands in my hair.

He took a shampoo bottle and poured it all over my hair, then massaged it in my head and after a few minutes he rinsed it out. Words couldn't describe the feeling that I felt when he was literally behind me,  washing my hair.

"Here... and done!" he said excitingly and turned me around. "It was fun, I like your hair... a lot" he muttered quietly like he didn't want me to hear it but of course I did hear what he said.

"Thank you, Draco" I thanked him and looked at him it looked like he was embarrassed but this is Draco for fucks sake, he's never embarrassed nor does he have any feelings.

-

After a few minutes, we got out of the shower, got ready, and sat down to watch TV. I slowly started to think, how doesn't he feel anything? How does he cope with all the shit that's going on in his life? it's just weird, I couldn't handle everything he has ever handled.

Is it possible just to turn off your feelings? Like is there some kind of a switch in your brain that lets you turn off your feelings and just feel nothing and be numb all the time? Or is he just acting that he doesn't feel anything but deep in the heart he knows that he feels everything?

This thought made me dissociate and think about it for a while. if you think about it more, it will start to feel weird. The surroundings feel like they change, and when I'm back from dissociating I don't remember anything I've thought about.

And then the thoughts started. Am I real? Why is everything so detailed in this life? Why am I even alive? Why is everyone else alive? How did this world become a human place? Why don't we just have a button which would literally kill us if we would press it? Why is everything so fucking weird? Is this world like actual real or is it just a fucking simulation that we live in? Or maybe we live in a game that people play? Maybe not even people with some kind of other species? Who am I right now? I am clearly not myself it's someone else in my body at the moment.

These thoughts were slowly killing me more and more every day. I hated having them and I hated the fact that I questioned my living every fucking day, no matter who is by my side, and who I am with at the moment, I will always confuse myself out of nowhere, and out of simple little things.

It was weird it was so fucking weird I wanted this shit to end. I was so over the fact that something was wrong with me because I couldn't even think straight when I was completely sober, every single thought I made was creeping me the fuck out.

"Hey? Elle?" I heard a voice and shook my head and came back to this reality when I heard Draco's voice trying to 'wake me up, I was so glad that he did that because I was so mad at myself for dissociating again.

"Yeah sorry, what?" I looked at him and he looked worried his hand was on my shoulder I bet he tried to shake me so I could come back to this reality. No one knew about my disorder, I have never talked about it, and the only thing I knew myself that I was diagnosed with it like four years ago, I didn't even remember when actually.

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OH MY GOD GUYS YES I FINALLY UPDATED! IM SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING THIS LONG IM SO NOT MYSELF ATM AND I LOST MY BOYFRIEND TO SUICIDE, i hope you all are okay,   i love you all so much, and again i'm so sorry for not being active. i'll try my best to update more often. ily all!
-Harley