A Good Kind of Different

Chapter 2

'What do you mean? I don't hate you!'

'There's a 50% chance the baby has it. I'm sorry.'

A strange coughing, chocking sound came from the back of Fenisha's throat, and she turned away, blinking back tears. She reached down into her bag, and pulled out a couple of polystyrene boxes, like you would get a takeaway in, and thrust one at him.

'Put your food in here, we'll talk outside. Look, Ethan, I, I just can't do this here. There are too many people.' At noticing the commotion, the waiter appeared quickly, with a check and card machine. Ethan payed quickly, and they hurried out. It was only once they had left that her tears really began falling and she started to shake. They turned into the neighbouring park and sat down on the closest bench. Ethan began to reach out to put his arm around her shoulders, before jerking it back with a muttered apology. They sat quietly for another minute, until her sobs began to subside.

'I am so sorry Fenisha. I should have told you before, so you could have made an informed choice about the baby. I would have done if I hadn't thought you'd had a termination. I guess this is all a bit of a shock for you. You okay?'

'You know, I probably would have got an abortion at the time, if I'd known. I was so close already. I actually went to the appointment, but once I was there, I couldn't quite go through with it. But now, I'm so glad that I didn't.'

'Even now?'

'Yeah, even now. Cos that's a whole new life, and I love them more than I ever thought was possible. A little mini us. That's so cool, don't you think?" She sniffed and smiled down at her stomach. "But I guess you don't feel the same way.' The last sentence still carried an accusatory note, but there was something else there now, kind of wistful, trying to understand.

'I always wanted to be a father, more than anything. But I guess I mucked that up too. I might have already ruined the kid's life, and it would only be worse if I stayed involved. I could never be a good dad. You know, my brother and I were put into care because my birth mum couldn't cope. They'd have to watch me getting more and more ill, knowing it may happen to them one day. They're so amazing, and they look absolutely perfect. How could I not love them even just from that picture? I'm just trying to protect them.'

'Ethan, I don't see the issue. You've always wanted kids, now here's your chance. You haven't ruined their life, even if they do have it. I mean, you have lots of happy memories, it's not like you'd rather not have been born. You know what's worse than having an ill dad, it's not having one at all. Look, I get you feel guilty, but that doesn't mean you can just walk away. Yes, we mucked up, but ignoring it won't make it go away. Whatever happens, you still have a kid you love, and a chance to spend time with them. You still have a kid that deserves a dad.'

'I'd really love that, truly, there's nothing I'd rather do than spend time with the baby. And, you are the most beautiful, funniest, smartest, fiercest woman I've ever had the pleasure to meet. It would have been awesome to try to be a family or get to know you better in whatever form that comes as. The thing is, you, both of you deserve so much better than this broken, sorry wreck of a person. Someone who can keep up with you, who you can rely on, always, not just for the next few years. Someone who you chose to be with and aren't stuck with for the sake of the kid.' This was where his tears began to fall, silently.

'Okay, look this disease is horrible, I'm not denying that. But it hasn't started yet; you've already let it take over. Stop making all your decisions on what will happen later, instead, think about how you feel now. You don't let anyone near you just in case they get hurt. Live your life for now, be happy before it's too late. Also, maybe you could listen to what I'm saying, before you try to do what's best for me, or assume what I feel.' She smiled and reached for his hand. He smiled back, sadly, and their fingers interlinked. Both of their faces were red and splotchy from crying.