Struggles with the kill

Chapter 11

"What do you mean, they know where we are?" I ask, wishing that I misunderstood what he said. "Like I say it. They know that you chose us over them. They're not stupid, you know? This is your fault! If you wouldn't have talked to Nash, they wouldn't know!" Justin states angrily. He has gotten up from the bed now, and rubs his temples once again, uselessly trying to massage the headache away. "My fault? How the hell is this my fault? I only know the guy that came up to me, don't fucking expect me to know every member by heart, I'm fucking new to this whole thing!" I shout back at him. Steve storms into the room, "What the fuck is your problem, it's 7 o'clock in the morning!"

"This chick has been talkin' to a fucking Penora last night," Justin says, glaring at me. "Listen, nobody told me not to talk to anyone. I had no I idea who the guy was, so don't fucking blame me," I snap back. Steve sighs, "You guys, stop it. I just woke up." Justin starts yelling now, "They know she belongs to us! They know that we're here and that we're after them! This is gonna blow up in our face, and all because missy here wanted to socialize." I realize that it doesn't matter what I say to him, Justin won't even bother thinking about what I tell him, so I turn to Steve,

"I was in the restaurant yesterday night, having dinner. This dude, Nash, I believe, comes and sit with me and we talk about nothing. Next thing I know is that Jack comes up to me, pretending to be my boyfriend and gets me away from that table, hardly giving me any time to pay for my meal. We head back to the suites and in the elevator I get this speech about how I can't look after myself. I didn't know who this Nash was, nobody told me to look out for certain people, so I'm not at fault here," I ramble, not letting anybody interrupt me. When I'm done I walk out of the room and head to the balcony. I need fresh air.

The sun has only just begun to rise and the sky is beautifully painted with pink and orange colours. I sigh, sunrises have always been my favourite thing to look at. They calm me down. I don't see one very often, since I sleep in because of my job. It makes me rethink the whole thing, why am I seeking revenge? Will I kill every single one of them? What will I do after? 

I shake my head and lean over the balcony, still looking at the beautiful scenery in front of me. I take deep breaths and let the cool morning air fill my lungs. I close my eyes now, getting into some sort of peaceful state where I barely feel anything. 

"Don't fall down," I hear someone say. I try to ignore them and go back to whatever state I was in, but I fail. I sigh and open my eyes again, seeing Steve standing next to me. "I fucked up big time, didn't I?" I ask, and look over at him. He is looking at the view. Then he shakes his head and lets it down, while chuckling, "We all make mistakes, kid. Don't worry about it," He says. "But they know we are here," I sigh. He smiles at me,"So what? We could be here for a totally different reason. They don't know shit, Rosalie, " And with that he walks back inside.

We all make mistakes. Right, oh and we all want to kill a whole gang because they murdered our sister right in front of our fucking eyes, sounds normal to me. I sigh again, it is normal to me. And it doesn't even face me anymore. I don't fucking care anymore, let this be over and then it'll be over. Done. Forever. 

"This is why we didn't have girls Steve! They fucking mess everything up!" I hear Justin shout. I close my eyes and try to drown them out, to let them shout at each other and not be faced with the words that are actually meant for me. But I can't. "Calm down, she's having a hard time. Instead of screaming you should go and help her," Steve says, and I roll my eyes. I don't need help, I need adrenaline. Yes, that is what I need. Adrenaline. I breath in one time and then put on my imaginary mask and I strut back in.

"When are we finally gonna do something?" I ask, knowing I sound irritated by boredom. I get confused gazes from everybody. A phone rings, it's not mine, Steve answers his phone. "Steve," He opens the conversation with, classic. "Oh really?" ... "Amazing, well then." ... "Tomorrow night, that's when we strike," He smiles at me and I know we are getting action soon. I don't care about the rest of the conversation. I turn around and go back to bed, I need to be rested and the drama of this morning didn't really help.