100 reasons to love our lives

A minefield of feelings

Will

On sunday at work, Nico and I exchanged exactly four words:
"Not today, alright?"
"O-okay."

He had these times, where he was too angry to have a peaceful discussion and delayed our talk by a day or two. It didn't mean our relationship was over.

Still, I felt horrible.

Therefore, on Monday in the second break, I went to Nico's resting spot; in the shadows by a the smallest tree on the field.
"Hey", I said shyly. Nico shared headphones with his roommate; that Simon guy who didn't say a tone because of our relationship.
He looked up to me. "Can we talk?", I asked and Nico nodded. "Sure."
Nico stood up, but then collapsed in giggles as Simon pulled at the headphone cable, the body of the brunette shaking in mute laughter. He shooed us away with with hands, still a wide set smile on his grin. Out in the open, his sick, too warm aura was less threatening than usual, and I nearly believed his happiness was real.

Nearly.

My boyfriend led me to a corner where nobody paid attention to us. "How's your personal mission going?", I asked while walking, just to have some voice filling the awkward silence.
"I'm getting to know Simon", Nico explained. "He's... impressive. I like him, honestly. I hope he's not the enemy."
"Yeah, that would suck", I meant, trying to gather the words I actually wanted to say.
"What music did you listen to?"
Nico rolled his eyes. "He forced me to listen to Ariana Grande", he groaned. "And the worst thing is, I actually liked some of her songs."
"Oh no", I chuckled. "He broke you."

"Well", he said and leaned against the wall with a spectacular spin, "my masculinity isn't fragile, therefore I can like pop songs without feeling guilty for that."

"Apropos feeling guilty", I started, "I want to apologize."
He raised an eyebrow. "For what?"
"For after cinema. I could have shut her up earlier, I could have taught her basic social skills. I mean, I know her for more than two months now."
"Are you seriously apologizing for something Celine has done wrong?", he asked, flabbergasted.
"I apologize for not saying something earlier", I explained. "For just tolerating her blabbering that long. I should be more careful, I..." I stopped as Nico laid a finger on my lip. "You know that blaming yourself is unhealthy", he interrupted me. "It's never your task to fix other people, Will."

"I know", I said after a short pause. "I still want to apologize."
"You already have", he told me. "But you can do it again if it makes you feel better."
"I apologize", I repeated and we both chuckled. Nico wrapped his arms around my shoulders and looked me deep in the eyes. "I apologize too", he said. "I'm not going to pretend it was wrong to feel hurt by Celine. But I was upset, and I didn't exactly handle that situation right. So, yeah."
"Totally understandable", I reassured him.

"I think the main problem is her", Nico silently said. "In detail, that I don't understand her. Please tell me, why are you even her friend?"
I wavered for a moment. "She can be nice", I started. "When we hang out in breaks, she is calmer, and she has a great imagination. Her stories are great."
My boyfriend listened attentively, his eyes a dark shade of brown in the sunlight. "Also, I think she is just lonely", I went on. "Apparently, the rumors about the boys in her cellar started in high school and quickly flew over to college. What I think she is doing by her bad jokes and her audacity is pushing us away, to test if we really would stay, because she doesn't trust us to stay her friends."
"Well, I don't have to stay her friend", Nico chimed in. "She should maybe take in account that being egoistical and rude results in other people avoiding you."
"She has no one else", I sighed. "You know how damaging loneliness can be."
"You and your savior complex", Nico teased and I chuckled desperately. "I and my savior complex."