100 reasons to love our lives

The perfect place to rest

Will

Since when could a heart hurt so much?

I missed him. All the time, I wished I could be with him, could kiss him, could hide in his embrace. If there would be any possibility to dump Celine, tell her to just wait thirty minutes and then run to my boyfriend, I would do that.

But I couldn't. I had to stay here, because she needed me. For once, there was actually someone relying on me, and I instantly was overwhelmed with that task. Suzanne couldn't help me too... or maybe she could, but I didn't ever talk about Celine. If Nico didn't mention her, she wasn't even aware that girl existed.

Why didn't I tell my therapist about any of this? I didn't know. Wouldn't it sound stupid? Somehow, my words always stopped at my throat. She did pressure me a little once, told me that I couldn't stay stable if I avoided to talk about my problems.

But still, my tongue was tied.

Celine was silent now, leaned against my shoulder while doing her work. Her way of coping with her problems was minimizing the time she was alone. I slept in her room more often than I slept in my own. Goodness, she even followed me into the bathroom if I brushed my teeth. At least I was allowed to be alone while showering or using the toilet!

Kathy now cleared her throat and started to read out some very professional text. It was Tuesday evening, and we met for the learning group in my room. Normally, I tried everything to help my friends out, but I wasn't paying attention at all right now.

Instead, I imagined Nico coming through the door. He would sit down beside me and peck my lips in his typical fashion, making my heart melt into a puddle of cuteness. Maybe, he would even whisper something sweet into my ear. I missed you so much.

"I miss you too", I whispered. "Hmm?", Celine made and I fastly said: "I was just speaking to myself. Sorry."
"Math, huh?", she meant with a smile. I nodded shyly. "Yeah. It sucks."
"Hopefully it does suck good", she meant and giggled as I pricked her side.

Yassy lumped against Kathy. "I don't know if I should love or hate your humor", she said. Celine giggled even more, but her body was tense. She was just so... vulnerable. Helpless. I wished she wouldn't just rely on me.

Someone knocked on the door. Maybe Heinrich forgot his room keys again; I jumped up to open up for him.

But it wasn't Heinrich.
Nico.

"Hey", I said breathlessly. "Hey, Will", he said. "Can I abduct you for a moment?"
"How long is that moment?", Celine now chimed in. Her eyes were daggers, piercing through my boyfriend with unhidden desperation.

"Well, the whole evening, actually", Nico answered calmly. Then, his eyes looked deeply into mine. "If you want to."
Hades, of course I wanted that! But Celine's big, blue eyes were shining dangerously. "I don't know if I can", I said. Hopefully he would recognize the truth of my feelings.

Kathy now asked: "Ceecee, what's the matter?"
She flinched a little. "N-nothing", she said. "He can go if he wants."
I couldn't possibly go away. She was too unstable without me.

But Nico now said: "I bet Kathleen and Yasmine can look after you for the night."
The two girls raised their eyebrows in unison. Celine again pierced my boyfriend with her daggers. But he had started a chain reaction - Kathy's eyes lit up in joy. "Yes, of course!", she cheered. "We can do a girls night. Yassy has an apartment, we can go there."
Yassy sat up too. "That sounds awesome!"
Celine's shoulders sank down. "Yeah, of course", she said weakly. "Let's do that."