Under Her Skin

Chapter 21

Police Officer: Was Sunny aware of her monstrosity?

Me: Sunny was aware, reflecting on the situation, that she had not been truly empathetic toward her, that she had not been a friend.

Police Officer: Who?

Me: The girl without a name.

***

In the bathroom getting ready for school, Sunny murmured a word or two at her reflection; she was no longer enervated with pain. The girl in the mirror did not react with as much as a twitch. Sunny tried to beat her to the toothbrush with a lightning movement, but the girl was just as fast. Sunny was always dissatisfied with her appearance. She was too frequently told that her eyes were small and her nose oversized and always believed that it was unreasonable that people weren't allowed to have a say in their appearance. She always wished she could change what she looked like. And now, she realized that she could. She stayed in the little magic room until she created a perfect dolled-up version of herself. Then, she stepped out, a heatwave of hot.

Sunny walked the halls with her double vision and persistent headache, watching as their jaw dropped to their knees. Boys stared. She posted a photo the same night and when it hit two hundred likes, Sunny almost laughed out loud.

I sensed a worrisome rebellion streak charging at her from the distance. Her parents' business was no longer providing an unhealthy outlet for her inner chaos. The phone calls, the busyness, the nights are gone, it all didn't matter. Sunny wondered what dreams her mother had for her that had gone unfulfilled. Who her mother would have chosen her to be, had she been given the choice. It felt cool to be so totally out of her mother's control, for her future not to be contained by her past. For a while, it seemed that even if the moon were to fall, she would feel all but panic, for Sunny and her Kitties would push it back up together.

****

Daily combo: Shepherd's pie $12. Sunny read the menu, then went ahead and placed four orders. The big bill came back as a few smaller bills and some coins. Sunny texted the girls.

Sunny: food's readyyyyyy bitchessss.

It was an ongoing feature of The Kitties texual communication that repeated letters or punctuation marks were used to signal enthusiasm and intimacy. In the absence of these orthographic quirks, they took it as a signal of drag and disruption. Proper spelling was a cold formality-- a period was a knife. Sunny sent two eggplant emojis, a choice that resembled her change in status— she was cool enough to use that emoji.

Selena: Fuck yesssss.

Tate: YUM.

Tate: We'll be there in a sec.

Ashley: !!!!

Sunny handed each of them a dish of minced meat under a layer of mashed potato. They walked down to the bathroom stalls, smiled at a few boys down the wall. They arrived, only to realize that their spot had been taken. Tate sighed, Selena rolled her eyes. Then, the Kitties walk around the school searching for empty seats around boys. A second later, Tate is on someone's lap, and Ashley is stuffing French fries into a hot boy's mouth. Selena face-timed Brad.

"Sucks that we can't smoke today," she said.

Sunny, uninterested in all above, wandered to a small round table at the end of the cafeteria. What caught her eye was the singular brownish-looking girl sitting there. She plotted herself across from her on a hard stool. The brown girl looked like someone who was unhappy but kept her unhappiness a secret to protect those around her. Sunny had always feared those with such kind capacity to care fiercely of others before their own image. The girl was a bird kid, and occasionally stuffed anonymous notes of encouragement decorated with doodles of mockingbirds into lockers. Sunny might've received one. She also might've forgotten. The girl said hi and told that Sunny that her name was Rasha.