i miss the rain // dnf

in too deep

A buzz comes from my phone as I'm mindlessly playing Minecraft. I'm practicing my PVP for manhunts. I pause my game to check who it was. It was George.

Gogy 🔳🔳:  Hey Dream, can I call you real quick?

I pull up discord instead of just texting him back. I call him through discord. It takes a second, but he picks up. 

"Hey, what's up?" I start our conversation, unpausing my game and continuing to practice PVP.

"So, I have really exciting news!" He beams, the smile evident in his voice. 

"What is it, George?" I laugh. "You can't just say you have exciting news and not tell me." I hear George laugh on the other end of the call.

"Okay, okay. So you know how we were trying to see if I was able to officially move in with you and Sapnap?" He starts, pausing for me to respond. The nerves run through my entire body. Is he actually going to move in? I can feel the sweat forming on my mouse as I click away in Minecraft. "Well, I'm moving in in two weeks!" The grin in his voice evident. My stomach drops, but a smile is on my face.

"That's so exciting!" I say through my nerves, panicking on the inside. "I'm excited, George. I really am. We are all going to have so much fun together." I feel like he could tell how I was feeling. I'm so nervous and I don't want to be because I'm also excited.

"Yeah." He says contently, pausing. "Well, I'm going to go, I've got to start packing and I have things to do. Bye, Dream!" I could hear a change of tone in his voice, but I couldn't catch what it was. 

"Bye, George. I'll talk to you later." I give myself a small smile, trying to push down the vomit rising in my throat. I hear the call end and I immediately pause my game, rushing out of my room to knocking on Sapnap's door frantically. "Sapnap open this god damn door." 

"Hold on dude, jesus." I hear him say from the other side, sounding like he had gotten out of bed. He opens the door, looking at me confused with his eyebrows furrowed. "What is wrong with you? You look like you've seen a ghost." He says as he walks back to his bed, picking up his phone. I sit in his gaming chair and run my hands through my hair. He looks up from his phone to see my panicked state. "Like seriously, are you okay?"

"Not really, uh..." I take a deep breath in. "George is officially moving in."

"Thats good! I'm excited!" He exclaimed, sitting up more. "Why are you freaking out then?" His bright face turned back to a confused one.

"Sapnap... I like him. Like a lot..." I confess, a lump in my throat preventing me to speak anymore. Sapnap's reaction was almost unreadable. It was a mixture of not surprised, surprised, and pity.

"How long?" He asks. I take another deep breath in to prepare myself to talk.

"A while now. I can't give you exactly how long, just for a while." I put my head in my hands, my elbows on my knees.

"Okay, hm." He pauses to think for a second. "We'll get you through this."

"Sapnap, it's so easy when there's a monitor and thousands of miles between us. I can't accidentally fuck anything up. But when he's literally in the room next to mine? I don't know." I say frantically, not knowing what to do. Sapnap just sits there, waiting for me to say something else, just seeming to want to listen to me talk it all out. "I'm going to slip up one day and he'll see my facial expression. I just need to get over him. That's all I can do."

"You don't have to be over him, Dream. You just need to tell him and talk about it." Sapnap chimes in. He makes a good point, but I'm too scared to even tell him.

"I don't know, Sapnap. I might, I might not. We'll have to see what happens." I take calming breaths. "Can I just...can I talk about him?" Sapnap gives me a nod to go for it. I take a deep breath to start. "So, George. He's just...I really like him. His laugh, the way he talks to me, the way he fixes his hair when it's messed up, and even when he messes it up on purpose. Sapnap, we sit on the phone for hours at night talking about random stuff. It's hard not to fall for him." Sapnap huffs, giving me a sympathetic look. I furrow my eyebrows.

"You're in so deep, Dream." Sapnap breathed out, still looking concerned for me.

"I'm in deep, Sapnap. There's no way out and I don't think I could just talk to him about it. I'm just going to have to wait until it comes up, if it even does." I ramble on. I sigh. "I'm in too deep."