i miss the rain // dnf

vienna

tw // depression

I'm laying on my bed, facing the wall. I haven't left my bed in days, it seems. I haven't felt myself in days. George had gone home for a week to visit his family. His grandmother hasn't been doing well and he wanted to go see her before it was too late. Sapnap had also gone home to visit his own family. I've been left here by myself to be in my head. It has't been the same all week. I've found myself getting mad for no reason and I can barely look at myself in the mirror. When I do, I see an empty shell of a person; puffy bags under my eyes from crying and laying awake until 6 am, hoping I would get a text update from George. I didn't think I was so attached to a boy who I've barely started talking to seriously. It's been almost a month since we confessed our feelings and I'm so attached, it's bad. I don't want to rush things. A light knock on my bedroom door interrupts my quiet thoughts. I hum a 'come in' and the door slowly opens, letting in the sunlight from the bathroom window across the hall. 

"Hey, Dream. I'm home." I hear Sapnap say quietly. "We've got to be at the airport in 3 hours to pick up George. You better get your ass out of bed." He huffs, assuming I've been asleep. Has it already been a week? I guess it concerned Sapnap that I didn't respond because he finds his way through my dark, messy room to the side of my bed. He puts a hand on my arm. "Hey," He pauses, concerned. "Are you alright?" I just shrug in response, still facing my wall. Tears start to fall, the overwhelming feeling of comfort after spending a week alone in my own head, unable to distract myself anymore by the end of that week. I move my hand up to my face to wipe the tears and Sapnap starts to rub my upper arm. "A bad mental health week?" He asks and I just nod, letting myself cry more. "Well, I'm home now and George will be home in a few hours. We can talk about it when George gets home if you want." He tries his best to comfort me, knowing he isn't the best when it comes to people crying. There's a short pause as Sapnap continues to attempt to comfort me. "Do you want to get things together to do a stupid and elaborate welcome home for George? I'm sure he'll love it." I hear the smile in his voice. I sit up in my bed, facing Sapnap. This was the first time I had sat up in what seemed like days. I wipe my cheeks and nod, trying to smile as best as I could. Sapnap gives me a comforting and sympathetic smile. "We can make a poster and everything. You could get him flowers too." He grins and I nod, giving him a more genuine smile. Sapnap stands from my bed, avoiding the pile of clothes and empty water bottles at the edge of my bed. "And we'll clean your room this weekend, George and I, so you don't have to."

-a few months after 'rain'-

I sigh, looking down at my hands that are set on the table. I hear the visitation room door open and I become too afraid to look away from my hands.

"Dream..." I hear George's voice. I can't help but look up at him, tears breaking their way past my eyelids. I look up at him to see a small smile on his face. "Come here." He says, his arms open, tears threatening to fall from his eyes. I stand and hug him immediately and he practically falls into my arms. The floodgates had opened and my orange jumpsuit is being soaked with his tears. I kiss the top of his head, sniffling. "I'm sorry." I hear a mumble come from him and it vibrates through my chest. I hold him tighter. It's been a few months since I saw him last, maybe 4 or 5. As soon as I found out about being innocent, I called George to tell him what happened. They had set up times for him and my lawyer to meet without me to talk about it. I hear the door open and close again. I hear papers being set on the table and a chair being pulled out. I feel like I have to pry George off of me so we can sit down to talk to my lawyer. I make him look at me, quickly wiping his tears. I take his hand and we sit down at the table with my lawyer. Mia starts to talk to us about what is going to happen at the trial tomorrow and I start to zone out.

"This is so awkward, Sapnap. There's nobody else here." I say under my breath, holding the poster and the flowers in each hand.

"Shut up, he's going to love it." Sapnap gently pushes my arm. I look down at the poster that says 'Welcome home George!' with hearts all over it. I cringe while looking at it. "Are you going to do what we talked about?" He asks, unsure if I've decided. I shrug, nervous.