Solace in my heart

Scars

Chagaun bam-ui siseon
Cholahan nal gamchulyeo
Mobsi dwicheog-yeossjiman

Jeo sumanh-eun byeol-eul majgi wihae nan tteol-eojyeossdeonga
Jeo sucheon gae chanlanhan hwasal-ui gwanyeog-eun na hana

You've shown me I have reasons
I should love myself

(Translation: From the beginning
To the end
There's only one answer

Why don't you keep trying to hide it?
Every scar I made was my zodiac sign

You've shown me I have reasons
I should love myself)

Jin listened to the words of the song and frustratingly hit his head on the seat.Tears started streaming down his eyes,the only thing he wanted to, was kill himself and he knew no one is going to care even if he is dies so why not die when he has the chance.

He cried silently and fell asleep until someone shook his hand and he woke up startled.

"Sir, the plane is going to land now please put your seat belt."

Jin doesn't know what suddenly happened to him but everything went dark.
______________________________________

Jin woke up at a hospital and was confused as to how he ended up here, he saw his mom sleeping with her head down on his bed,he slightly touched his mom's head and suddenly he felt sick again.

His mom woke up to see her son struggling to breathe.

"Doctor!! Doctor!!" She ran outside to get the doctor.

In the evening Jin and his mom visited the doctor.Jin fiddled with his hands nervously.

He looked up to see the doctor when the doctor sighed.

"Doctor is anything wrong?"

"Umm Maybe we should put him under the psychatrict ward."

"Doctor what do you mean?" Jin's mom almost screamed.

"Eomma calm down"

"I am sorry miss, but I believe your son has Haphephobia."

"Haphephoba?" Both of them asked together.

"Yes Haphephobia... It means fear of being touched, rarely men get this but in this case your son got it..and sometimes you are born with it or it must be because of-"

"But he was okay until he went to America doctor..He loves hugging and always hugs us."

"Umm.."doctor slowly nodded and looked at Jin to see his eyes streaming with tears.

"Ma'am if you don't mind can I speak to Jin alone?"

"Yes yes please do doctor."

His mom got up and smiled lightly at his son and left the room.

"Jin I know this is not my place to talk, but did something- "

"Exactly this is not your place to talk so I hope you won't ask me questions which I don't want to answer"
Jin rudely spoke to him, Doctor sighed again.

"Jin you do know right that we can get together and cure this?"

"I don't know maybe.."

"We can, but I want you to be truthful with me we didn't study medicine and came here to get a salary and leave. We came here to help people and I really want to help you."

Jin wiped his tears with the back of his hand and took a deep breath and looked at him again.

"What do I have to do?"

"Okay first of all you need to go for counseling I won't ask you what it is but when we took of your shirt we saw bruises in your body..."

Jin got startled and looked at him with wide eyes.

"Y- you saw my scares?"

"I am sorry to trigger you but if you want to cure yourself you have to go for counseling and also let people in."

"Hmm..." Jin looked outside the window and smiled.

"But its better flying like a bird than live doc."he smiled.

"Death...is not an answer to the problems we face.It never was,it never is and It will never be...but living with all those difficulties that's real strength."

"But nobody is going to love me Doc I am a piece of shit at this point."

"That's not what your mom's actions showed me... that's not your dad's actions showed me."

He looked up at the doctor.

"Appa came?"

"Yep he came and cried while slowly patting your head and left afterwards."

Jin smiled..."so he did forgive me in the end." He thought.

"Anyways you can go back to your room,we will discharge you tomorrow okay."

"Okay thank you doctor." He got up and walked a little bit and then turned to the doctor.

"Doc!" The doctor looked at him.

"Thank you for motivating me to live through my difficulties, it means a lot."

"You're welcome...handsome face 2020!!"

Jin chuckled.

"So you do know about that title."

"Of course!! my daughter loves you so much and started running around the house when she found out you got that award."

"Ooh sweet of her...wait let me give her an autograph."

"Aish you don't have to bother."

"No no she deserves it."

Jin gives the signed autograph,smiled at the doctor and walked away.The doctor sighed again,and mumbled to himself.

"I hope someone is out there who could bring back the old Kim seokjin and heal his scares and the pain in his heart."

*****

Stay safe everyone 😌❤️