It feels like the day is going slower than usual. She rolls her eyes as she knows today wasn't supposed to be like this. She sighed as she knew that she practically wished for this. This is what happens when she promises herself that she's going to talk to the girl next door. She hits the register's open button as she doesn't want to lose her cool over the fact that she didn't talk to Lisa, that she didn't see Lisa.
I shouldn't have promised myself that.
She takes a deep breath as she looks over to the side seeing the huge round clock staring back at her. 3:57 PM. Seeing those numbers staring at her she can't help but hit the register open one more time. She's learned that the noise distracted her from her thoughts, but it didn't distract her from her feelings. And what she was feeling wasn't exactly happiness. It was more on the lines of anger and sadness. She chuckles as she closes the register once again slouching herself in her chair.
She lets out a huff as she only has an hour left of work and Lisa still hasn't shown up. She probably looks like an idiot just staring back and forth to the front door to the customer in front of her. But in those moments of looking back and forth she could see her coworkers entertaining themselves. Something she wishes she could do, maybe then she wouldn't be so upset over a girl not showing up. She leans her head back to look at the ceiling trying to count all the cracks the ceiling was displaying, she wonders when it will get fixed.
A part of her wanted to have hope. But the other part of her had already given up. Something her Ma had very much passed down onto her. Although she knew it was just her being stupid and hopeful. She had managed to fool herself that Lisa came here every Saturday when in reality not every Saturday was meant for grocery shopping. She closed her eyes tightly as she let a hand meet her thigh over and over again. She took a deep breath as she stopped herself not wanting to leave a bruise on herself. The old one she had barely was turning a light green on the verge of healing fully. She didn't need a new one.
She took a deep breath as she ran a hand through her hair as she remembered Lisa. She told her once that she couldn't come Saturday because her brother had broken his foot from football practice and she had to be his mother for the day. She chuckled as she wondered what kind of scolding she gave her brother. From what she knew it was pretty bad since he had waited till he got home to tell her he had broken his foot. Her brother managed to come home to his family days later with a new injury, Lisa was to say the least angry.
She frowned to herself as she knew she was just getting herself riled up with these memories. Memories that brought her a sense of joy. She shook her head as she hadn't even spoken to her once. Yet these memories brought her joy. Yet these memories showed her who Lisa was. Yet these memories showed how much Lisa was interested in being her friend. Yet these memories showed her just how much she had told her without even her asking for it. And yet she stayed quiet. Not once in those memories did she open her mouth to talk back.
I think she thinks I'm mute.
She was about to say something out loud because if she was being honest, when was the last time she spoke? She opened her mouth but quickly closed it when she heard someone slam bread in her checkout lane. She frowned as she titled her head to see Lisa, obviously out of breath. Lisa stood in front of her waiting for her to either scan the bread or acknowledge her presence. She was more focused on why she was in a rush for bread? Who rushes for bread?
Lisa, I guess.
"Ran out of bread," she simply said with a small smile and she could only nod at the statement. It almost seemed to her as a lame old excuse. An excuse she was going to let slide because she was happy to know her Saturday wasn't ruined. She was kind of grateful she was here, she was about ready to leave her station and just go home early. She rolled her eyes as she remembered she had missed her break waiting for her. Something she doesn't normally do.
I guess that's love right?
She passed the bread through letting a loud beep ring through the store. She took a deep breath as she looked at Lisa who was giving her an intent look. A look that only brought heat to her cheeks. Ma always told her that people always looked at people like that because they either looked like shit or because they were really curious about them. She cleared her throat as she looked down at her hands that were fidgeting, Lisa was making her nervous with that look. She also heard from people that that look was because they were in love with them.
Lisa in love with me?
She chuckled to herself lightly as she knew that sounded completely dumb in her own head. She swallowed the lump in her throat as she opened her mouth, "Two ninety nine is your total." Her eyes widened as she heard her own voice for the first time in what seemed like forever. She couldn't even remember the last time she managed to open her mouth. Ma always told her, she was never really a talker but she loved to hear her voice. And with the way Lisa was smiling at her, she thinks she might just talk a little more now.
"You talk," Lisa said in disbelief that she had managed to get the girl in front of her talking. She could only laugh at her astonishment because it was rather cute to say the least. She wasn't lying when she said she hadn't had a real conversation with the girl next door, but here she was. In front of her having a short conversation with her. A conversation about bread. She wanted to smack a hand on her forehead as she remembered why she talked. She shook it off as she knew she should be proud. She managed to talk to the girl next door.
I wish Ma would be proud of me.
"I didn't want you thinking that I don't," she said trying to sound cool, she really didn't want the girl to think she was some nervous kid in front of her. Although she knew what she was saying was definitely showing that she was a nervous kid in front of her. She gave her a small smile as she watched Lisa bite her lower lip as she smiled at her. She cleared her throat as she looked around not wanting to look at her anymore. "Sorry if I-"
"That's completely okay," she stopped her from apologizing, from explaining why she hadn't talked to her before. A part of her would have grown angry at her but right now she felt very relaxed and she doesn't know if it was because Lisa was talking to her or because of that smile that she was showing her. She just knew that this anger that she was once feeling was gone and she never felt more at peace than right now. She nodded as she knew that she was being genuine, that it was completely okay.
"I love a mystery," was the last thing she said to her before giving her a five dollar bill and walking out with her bread. She chuckled as she wasn't even given the chance to give her her change back. She wondered if that was a part of her plan, get her to talk a bit, leave, and suddenly she would be right in front of her again talking some more. She let out a sigh as she knew that's exactly what was going to happen. Because she doesn't think she can wait another week to talk to her.
She straightened herself out in her chair as she turned off the light above her informing everyone that she was done with the checkout lane. That and her shift was now over and she now needed to leave. She felt her stomach rumble and she knew a part of her was hungry but the other part of her was making her feel happy. That feeling she was feeling inside her was bubbling like crazy as she walked out to see Ma parked right out in front.
She knew she would question her about work and then realize that she was happy. And then question her why she was so happy. But as she ignored those questions her Ma was asking she sat there reliving that short meeting with Lisa. And if she were being honest she would relive the day over and over again if she could. She shook her head as her Ma heard her stomach rumble, those questions she was once asking were now turning into a scolding. A scolding for not taking her break to eat. She chuckled as she thought about school, a school where she happens to see Lisa.
Maybe Monday will become my favorite day as well.
---
but we all know monday's suck.
- noah :)
