"I'm sorry," she heard and she couldn't help but roll her eyes at what she was hearing. A part of her would have said it's okay but the other part of her just grew angry and it reminded her of what her room had endured. A painful reminder that led to her cleaning till midnight, and even when she looked around her supposed clean room, she saw all the damage she had done to it. Everything she had left for people to see.
Utter destruction.
That's what she brought out of her. Something she had already dealt with, she didn't need it again, she didn't want it again. She wanted it to be a once and done situation. It would ease her thoughts and anger. Ma didn't like dealing with her destruction either, if she truly enjoyed it dad would still be around. Dad would still be destroying her life. And dad eventually would have destroyed her life.
"I'm sorry, okay?"
Okay?
She finally looked to the side of her as she saw her eyes on her. She was analyzing her. She was hoping in some way her body movement would tell her something. She took a deep breath as she nodded. She didn't want to nod but she didn't like her analyzing her. She didn't want her to see all the flaws her skin had written out for her. It was best to just nod and accept the apology.
Okay.
"You had to take care of your brother," she quietly reminded the both of them as she gave her a small smile. As if her okay really meant that she had forgiven her. She leaned back in her chair as she stopped staring at her eyes. They were pretty. Too pretty to bring her such pain.
Why do pretty girls bring so much pain to nobody's like us?
"He just didn't want me to hang out with someone he didn't know," she explained and something about that made her chuckle. Because if she were being honest it almost sounded like Ma. She may have known who Lisa was but she didn't want her to hang out with her. And once again those words rang through her ears as she closed her eyes to listen to those words more clearly.
She would never give me the time or day.
She sighed as she started to pack up her stuff not wanting to stay in this classroom. It was starting to suffocate her. Or maybe it was Lisa who was suffocating her. Nevertheless, she needed to leave whether she liked it or not. A part of her wanted to forgive her but she couldn't bring herself to do it. Her stupid brother was the cause of her going crazy in her room. But it was stupid her who was the cause of her going crazy in her room.
Not him.
A clear reminder that she needed to stop blaming other people for her own problems. As she started to walk out of the classroom she felt someone following close behind her. And as she looked back to see who it was, those pretty eyes were just eyeing her. "You need something?" She asked hoping maybe it would stop her from following her. That if she sounded rude enough it would let her know that she wanted to be left alone.
"You're mad," Lisa simply said and she nodded along to her words, finally looking down at her shoes rather than her pretty eyes. Her shoes weren't as nice as her eyes but at least her shoes didn't let her down like her. "How can I make it up to you?" She continued and that was enough to get her eyes to look up at those pretty eyes once again. Her mind had completely stopped in its tracks.
How can she make it up to me?
She could say anything like coffee or giving her permission to punch her stupid brother but nothing came out. All she can draw was a stupid blank. Maybe because she was now standing in front of her and her pretty eyes were staring at her intensely. A look that made her grow nervous, she could already feel her palms begin to sweat.
"Come over to my house," Lisa let out before she could even think of a condition. And her eyes widened with that statement. A part of her did grow excited at that thought but the other part of her told her that it was just a trap. A trap to get her alone and somehow destroy her life. Yet as she continued to think through it, she doesn't think she would mind her destroying her life. But still her mind reeled around the statement she just let out.
She wanted me to go where?
"I'll make it up to you just come over," she continued and her hand was now touching her bicep. She looked down at her arm seeing her hand holding her lightly. And she wondered what her hands felt like, she could only assume they were soft but she wouldn't know. She decided to wear a long sleeve and was pretty thankful for that decision. She would have seen the tiny goosebumps that rose from her arm.
A reaction of just the mere things she did to me.
"Okay," she let out quietly and although her voice sounded small she was rather thankful it did not break on her. Her smile widened and before she could even reciprocate it and ask when she wanted her to come over she was already pulling her to the nearest exit. She was going to make it up to her now. Her eyes widened at that realization and as she tried to pull her hand back she noticed Lisa turn back and give her a smile. That at least let her struggling lessen a bit.
Though she was not ready for what was to come, she couldn't help but grow excited about seeing Lisa's home. She just hoped her destruction decided to stay home rather than be behind her ready to spew out as we made it to Lisa's house. She did not want to destroy something she had barely gotten to hold slightly.
Not yet at least.
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my internet went wonky all day yesterday and i wasn't able to catch up on writing.
- noah :)