Guns and Ammunition [] TFATWS

Twenty Six

Chapter Twenty Six:

Bucky had never been so... so, wrecked. At least she'd never seen it. There had been bad days, yes, where the nightmares seemed to take over him but today felt endless.

Josephine had run over in the night, as she always did, hoping to keep him from returning to such a state. Usually after a small amount of time he would talk, telling her about his day or things he had planned, just to get out of his head.

He hadn't said a word at all, not even sparing a glance in her direction as she sat across from him on the floor. The door had been unlocked when she stumbled through it, shaking him awake in a tired fumble.

"Would you like a glass of water?"

Still nothing. He was laying back down, clammy hands clamps over his stomach as he stared at the white ceiling. His face was stuck in twist of pain, chest rising in quickly paced heaves.

"Bucky," She said a little louder, watching him with concerned eyes. "Please talk to me."

The sun was rising, she took a deep breath as she glanced to the closed curtains where light seeped through. It had been hours since she first arrived, and fatigue tugged at her every being. She needed to hear his voice, to hear him tell her that he was going to be fine.

"Do you need anything?" She questioned, gaze flickering back to his unmoving figure. He was so still, he could've been sleeping. Yet his eyes were still open, searching the blank canvas above him. "Will you be okay?"

Probably not, that she knew. But she'd stay with him if he needed her, for however long he wanted. The air hung heavy in the room, the only sounds were the occasional creak of the settling floorboards and his troubled breaths. 

"Hey," She said, moving next to him, "You should shower."

His forehead was still glossed with sweat, hair sticking to it in clumps. His eyes turned to hers, peering in with the same haunted look that always took over in the night.

"I know you've heard this so many times." She whispered, tapping her finger against the floor. She wanted to do something, she wanted to do something that would make a difference but she didn't know how. "It will get easier, Bucky, whatever you're going through."

He took a shallow breath, blinking, "I thought it was supposed to get better." It was barely a whisper, if the room hadn't been dead silent she would have missed it.

"Sometimes it doesn't." Josephine answered truthfully, wishing with all her power that it would. "I'm not going to lie to you. I think it will eventually get better, but who knows when, right? For now, things may become easier before it gets better. And easier is a hell of a lot better than pain and guilt and fear and all this stuff you're feeling right now."

Bucky pursed his lips, head titled to the side as he watched her. His eyes fluttered in a blink, she wondered if he wanted to go back to sleep. She made way to go, pulling herself up to her knees.

"Don't go." He whispered.

He shook his head, moving his gaze back to ceiling. She sat back down, falling back into silence.

"Sometimes I forget where I am." He spoke softly, "I think I'm still there."

He never talked about his nightmares, never even mentioned them despite her reoccurring middle of the night trips over there. They would do just this, sit in silence until he was ready. Most nights it ended with her leaving, telling him to be careful, seeing each other again the next day and not mention a word of the events earlier. She never got context, only that he always felt stuck.

"It feels like I'm that same person. Doing all those terrible things."

"Bucky—"

"You would hate me." He cut her off, closing his eyes. "You would never talk to me again."

"That's not true."

His head shook back and forth slightly, mind moving through scenarios. "You don't know."

Josephine nodded slowly, "And when you're ready, if you ever feel like telling me about it, I will listen. I'll be here, don't worry."

He shook his head again, eyes still closed. He was less tense than before, hands laying flat on his chest. "I'm with you til the end of the line." He mumbled, a painful chuckle leaving his lips. "Yeah. Right."

Josephine moved closer, hand hovering over his with pause. She pursed her lips, gently laying it down. "Go back to sleep, Bucky. I'll wake you up if anything happens, alright?"

An eye cracked open, glancing at her before fluttering shut. His grip on her hand tightened, a small smile finding her own face as she relaxed.

She'd be here for however long he needed and she'd still be there when he woke up.