An Ounce of Weirdness

You are making me Stronger

No matter how strong you are, there will also be days when you'll feel like you can no longer fight.

You can easily kick some asses and flip your hair around other people's gazes and opinions about you. But the difficult battle is the one you are facing inside you.

People used to praise me how strong I am, how amazing I did or how wonderful my personality is. But what they don't know is how many times I need to practice that perfect smile in front of the mirror to hide my anxiety and paranoia in front of everyone. What they don't know is how many times I need to bring myself up everytime I feel down. What they don't know is how many times I try to convince myself not to be affected about what others say.

I am anxious all the time. I may be smiling on the outside, but my heart is pounding so hard. I may try to look calm and composed but my legs are shaking like crazy. I may laugh at times but my eyes won't lie.

I am paranoid. I will think of the worst scenario to happen. I will convince myself to expect the worst so that I won't get hurt. That's why, I tend to block possiblities sometimes before they can even start, convincing myself that I am doing what is right.

But the truth is, no matter how much you anticipate it, it won't lessen the pain you'll feel. It would just make your agony longer. I know. I sound so hypocrite. I gave advices to people. But I, myself, can't do that. I advocate for mental health. But I, myself, don't know how to take care of mine.

But then you came. You brought me out of my shell. You make me feel comfortable with my skin. You make me feel happy about myself. You encourage me to be the better version of who I am now. You are always there for me. You always try to understand me even when I can't even understand myself.

Unfortunately, it's not your battle to fight. It's mine now. I am grateful for all your support. Those keep me going. Those made me stronger. You made me stronger. And I promise to do better. But not for you and definitely not for anyone else.

I am doing this for me. I AM DOING THIS FOR MYSELF.