my own poetry

The reason I'll die!

I am writing this because it's been days and there's no one to hear. it's like I'm all alone in a world of 7 billion people. Maybe God hasn't set plans for me as he has done for others. Maybe I am meant to be alone. it's easy to say but hard to accept. the constant rejection you face every day like if you're the worst creature that has stepped on this earth, and it's not that one problem, but my whole life is a pile of sympathy and sorrows. I wish there was someone to hear. Maybe just God. This is not life, the thing I'm facing is never called life. it's known as cruelty. The world has been so cruel to me that my own shadow has chosen to left me. I just a box of pain and grief, with no one to heal the wounded. My soul has been ripped to pieces and  God expects me to return to him with a beautiful soul. I've always been told that you're hurt by strangers, so take no offense and ignore, but what if my own family, my friends are the reason I don't want to live, what if they have been so stone-hearted to me that I've to come to that point of my life where I want nothing except freedom, not just any ordinary freedom, but freedom from life, from this body and everyone and everything. I'm alone. In this ongoing chaos I'm all alone  I'm always treated as if I am a burden on this earth, which has to pass on one day. Joy is like a mystery to me. it's all gone with no sign of returning. as if it has become extinct in my life. Am I not deserving? Do I not deserve happiness or hope? why always me in the name of trial? why should I be the hated child? was I not enough of a human being to you all or was I not considered a part of this world. Humans are mere production of God's creativity, so I question god, was I not one of your beings. Was I not that religious enough to receive your blessings? My days have turned gloomy and each day is forcing me to step towards the end of my life. Should I do so? but what next? Yeah, I'll be blamed for not having patience. But am I the only one who has to endure everything and serve too? I guess for me it's all pain and no gain. Maybe I was made for the world as a punching bag on whom you could vent your whole anger and hatred. Was my plea not enough to pass through your merciless ears or was it not enough to shake your throne? I may have not been that expressive but was that my fault? do I need to express my hopelessness to gain your sympathy? Was my heart not enough for you to realize the burden I was going through? I was scared of death, but now I aren’t. The only reason I'm surviving or badly failing on it, is because I fear the punishment, but that I don't know until when. I've had enough and to show that I'll have to end whatever little life's that left in me. and don't blame for the consequences when I'm gone. Question your judgment and your behavior, because my death will be a lesson to all mortal and immortal, through which they have to attain the degree of sympathy and acceptance.