Beautifully Tragic - mikasa x fem reader

Chapter 1

*warning gaslighting/suicidal thoughts/depression mentioned*

"I'm sorry for being such a horrible mother to you, all I want is the best for you y/n why can't you understand that. I do these things to you out of love, you're too young to understand right now." Wrong you thought she doesn't realize how much the things she does hurt you.

It's always been like this guilt tripping you to make you the bad guy whenever you got "too emotional" over how she made you feel. You were getting tired of it so you thought maybe you should say something.

"Look at me and stop giving me that annoyed look, why are you crying there is nothing you should be crying about. I'm talking to you in a low and calm voice, I'm not yelling at you like your father." All you wanted was to leave and go back to your room.

"Not in a while at least..." you mumbled

"What was that? Speak up." fuck this you've got nothing else to lose.

"I said not in a while, and you're wrong you think you know what is best for me but you don't. I'm not the little girl that used to be smiling or laughing and not having a care in the world. I'm struggling so much to satisfy you and dad while y'all like to throw in my face all that you do for me. It's-"

"Well are we wrong? We give you everything that you need, we pay the bills, we put a roof over your head, we work our asses off to get you all the things you need stop being an ungrateful child-" wow she really interrupted you for this bullshit no she doesn't get to talk over you this time.

"That's because that is what you are supposed to do for your kids! I didn't fucking ask to be born but you and dad wanted to go ahead and have two kids. You are supposed to provide for your kids because that is what you signed up for as a parent. Did you ever provide me anything emotionally or mentally? No you only ever provided materialistic things that you thought would satisfy me." Mom looked completely shocked by your sudden outburst never once did she think you'd finally speak up for yourself. You were so tired of this you just wanted to sleep, you wanted all of this to be over with.

These tears can't stop coming down you were so drained it had been 2 days since you last slept. You keep having these breakdowns and so from lack of sleep you finally just snapped at mom.

"I've tried to talk to you, I even told you to talk to me because I will help you through it all. All you do is keep pushing me away, you hardly come out of your room anymore, you stay up till god knows how long, you're always on your phone when I walk into your room, what more do you expect from me if you won't even let me in! I'm your mother you are supposed to come to me when you need help, we are supposed to have a good relationship with each other." No no no don't believe her lies if you hang on a little more than you can go to your room and sleep.

"You think it's that easy for me to just come and talk to you when you were hardly ever there for me emotionally. I've kept everything to myself for so long because I have no one! You've always made my feelings invalid and made me out to be the bad guy while you play the victim. I've been alone and struggling since I was 10 mom don't you get it? My whole life went downhill when all our family drama started happening, the constant fighting, picking sides between family members, not speaking to each other then all of a sudden speaking to each other years later and acting like nothing happened." You just wanna scream out everything, there's no going back you've already dug your grave might as well finish it.

"Did you know I got bullied in school because I was the shy and quiet kid so I was just an easy target for people to pick on? Did you know I only did sports to satisfy you and dad so you would at least be proud of me but no all I got was criticism after the games ended. You only said you were proud of me in front of people and on social media so it didn't seem like you were a bad parent. Do you know my grades are so bad right now because I'm so mentally exhausted I have no motivation to do anything anymore. Did it ever occur to you that maybe just maybe for once you could listen to what your daughter has to say instead of making my feelings invalid? On top of tearing my acl last year and losing all my soccer scholarships, I gave up on everything because there is no point for me to continue any longer." It was getting harder for you to fight the tears, you can barely even see mom at this point everything is so blurry.