SBI X CHILD READER (Going through editing)

006- lies after lies...

TRIGGER WARNINGS:
Swearing, lying, not nice people,

Y/N POV

Phil left me alone to "unpack". I didn't go full on, full out because I knew I was going to screw up sometime soon, I always did.
My mind wondered back to previous comments people had left on me in the past.

"Not social enough, too much of a loner"

"Way to ungrateful about everything, doesn't eat or hang out"

"Disobeys what I tell them all the time, never helps around"

"Too much trauma and mental issues for our liking"

"Seeks too much attention with all their fake mental illness, needs to behave better"

Of course a high majority of them were weighed complete and utter lies, or had severe gaps and events left out of them.

I wasn't a bad kid.
Was I?
No. No everyone else is just touchy and evil.
I'm not a bad guy.
I'm not the monster.
She's the monster.
I've never done anything wrong.

Have I?

No of course I haven't, I would have known if I did. I was just being extra paranoid for I reason at all.
I had simply unpacked a weeks worth of clothes, some toiletries and my sketch pad - for the nights and mornings when I couldn't sleep. M̸y̸̸̸ The room was still empty and made me want to vomit, but now if had some of my clothes in it.
I had put my pills and bandages in a little nook between my nightstand and the bottom of my bed. I didn't want them to know exactly how bad the situation is, if the file hadn't already given off more then what I had first predicted them of knowing .

(A/N it's late/ early whichever one you want to call it. If it doesn't make Seanad I will fix it later)

I later then lay on the bed (how tf was it this soft?!?) and daydreamed. Knowing me this daydreaming would turn into "traumatic experience flashbacking" but until then I chose to enjoy the creativity and leave my mind had offered.
I was thinking about butterflies when the door opened, revealing a tired looking Technoblade.

"Hey. Dadza wanted to know if you wanted to eat in here or with us tonight."

Taken back by the fact I have a say, I started to recall my unhealthy eating habits. Shit I would have to eat like a normal person. Ew

"Um I'm not really hungry, but I'll eat in here if that's alright!"

I forced you a fake smile to which the anime protagonist left with a nod. I still didn't have a solution for the whole eating thing so I decided it is time to brainstorm ideas, there all probably going to be horrible ideas but I had to try, for the sake of me and myself.

Time skip- brought to you by specksavers.
You are in your room. You "ate" your food- by that I mean you ate it then felt sick because your body wasn't used to the food. It is now late (like 11:30) and your lying in bed

I lay limp on my bed, I wasn't cold so I didn't find use for the blankets. I lay on my back, staring at the ceiling above me. My eyes had adjusted to the darkness quite a few minutes ago.
There wasn't anything to do as it was late and I couldn't be bothered to. There was a distant pounding in the back of my head. It didn't stop. It hurt. It hurt a lot, more then usual.

I decided it wasn't going to just go away and I'd have to take a paracetamol or something like that. Looking into my little private nook, took a paracetamol and took it with some water I had taken for myself before turning out my lights. I was now sitting on my bed, knees to my chest and I was leaning against the headboard (is that what you call it?)I don't think I made too much noise- which is why I was a bit confused at why I got a technoblade sneaking in. Once he was fully in he turned to look at me, it was very graceful actually, I applaud.

"Hello?" Yes very smart Y/N not at all awkward. That couldn't be seen as suspicious at all noooooo.

"Hello Y/N, can I talk to you. Sorry for the time I just wanted this to be a private chat."

That made me sweat. He was way to tall and strong looking for me to try and fight if it came to it. If I tried to jump out the window and run he would also catch me. I was screwed. I was so so screwed.

Maybe I was overthinking. Yea. Of course. Maybe. I hoped this much.

"Oh um sure no problem, uh what do- what you wanna talk about."

He sat at the edge of my bed.

"I would like to ask some questions, if that's ok with you."

"Oh no, yea sure go for it."

"Ok so first of all; why are you so tense. It's ok if you don't trust us but I just wanted to know why."

"Oh I just don't have a good history with people who have tried adopting. Just people in general I would say."

He hummed in response.
"That's another thing I wanted to ask about. Remember when we were walking from your room at the orphanage?"

"Yea." shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. SHIT. I hoped he would have forgotten. Now I hope he didn't hear my voice shake

"Well I heard what everyone was saying. Why do they say that? Did you do something? Is there something we should know" he pried.

"Well like I said people don't really like me for some reason. Plus the caretakers used to talk a lot about me and rumours started to spread"
That wasn't a lie. Just not telling the full truth.

"Oh. If you say so. Another thing, your files had mentioned something about panic attacks and frequent nightmares. If you ever need to talk or emotional comfort we are here for you."

"I- um ok if it ever happens I'll be sure to talk to Phil or something. But it never really happens I'm sure the files were just over exaggerating" now that- that was a straight up lie. That was pure golden shayt. Did he suspect something- honestly the dude has the best resting bitch face I've ever witnessed- and I've met some stone cold people.

"Right. Is there anything you want to talk about? Anything at all?"

"No"

"Hm ok. Do you have troubles sleeping?"

"No not usually no, I'm just not really tired today but I'm sure I'll sleep eventually." Wow. Lying left right and down the middle.

"Okay. Well I'm going to leave you to that Y/N. Night."

"Night techno."

And like that he was gone. That was a lot of lying. That was a nice lot of lying.

... I had just lied to technoblade. I just lied and I think I got away with it. I needed to lay down. I needed to call myself before I would spiral out of control.

(A/N I don't know how to end this so you just went to sleep)