SBI X CHILD READER (Going through editing)

007-to trust or not to trust? That is the question

TRIGGER WARNING:
Throwing up, panicking and crying, trauma and abuse memories

Y/N POV:
It was a week and a few days into my stay, things were... ok I guess. They hadn't hurt me yet, but there was always the chance that they would. I don't think I was that convincing with my little late night chat with technoblade as he was watching me like a literal hawk. A very strong, pink, intimidating hawk.
Sometimes he would bugger off and then I would try to spend time with Wilbur and tommy. I would sit with Wilbur, him playing tunes and melodies he made for me. And I loved them. He would sometimes convince me to sing and that would be only when I was feeling extra out there. If not he would just play for me, it would feel amazing.
Tommy was great too, we snuck out two days after I arrived. It wasn't major. We just went in top of this flat roof piece and gazed at the stars till the sun rose. We chatted and he had such an amazing personality! I really hope he isn't fake, I really really do. But I'm being more than twice shy.
No this time I'm just trying to survive with the east amount of conflict as possible. Even though they wouldn't seem like they would hurt me. They seemed like they would protect me. That voice in the back of my head doesn't say stuff as often, of course still frequently but not as bad as let's say a month before this. I could try to get used to this. Perhaps I could trust them. At one point.
Me and tommy also loved listening to his discs. They were better then you would expect. I had tried to give him an art lesson by trying to draw one another- but that just ended in me being offended and tommy going off in a strop.

Aside from the talk (and of course the stalking) me and techno didn't get much of a chance to socialise. I didn't really mind as I wouldn't want to annoy him but at the same time we hadn't really, well, bonded?
I think that's the right word for it. Philza has had to sort a lot of stuff out so I didn't get a chance with him either.

We had now eaten and it was a bigger portion then normal. Bigger then I could take. I was in my room and I felt sick. I felt so bloody sick. The food I had swallowed made me feel violated and disgusted. I couldn't keep it in. I ran to the bathroom that was connected to my room. My stomach emptied itself and I began to cry. I was doing so good. I really was useless wasn't I?
"You absolute mistake!"

"You're the reason I'm depressed!"

"How dare you do that too me!"

"It's all in your head, stop being a little asshole!"

"A step out of line and ill give you some scars to add to your collection!"

Her words were yelled into my ears. It's like I was with her again. But I wasn't. I wasn't. I was on the bathroom floor. Crying in a rather pathetic way. The last words I heard from her then came back to me.

" HOW COUD YOU DO THIS TOO ME !?! YOUR SUCH A TERRIBLE MONSTER Y/N! JUST YOU WAIT AND SEE YOU SOAWN IF SATAN, I WILL GET OUT. AND I WILL GIVE YOU A REAL REASON TO CRY!"

Those words- they were the last I had heard before she was taken away, by both police and mental doctors. She was in a mental institution now. I wanted to visit her- to confront her about the cruel ways she manipulated me, about all the abuse and scars. But I wasn't allowed. Doctors stated she wasn't mentally stable enough for visitors, especially not me.

At this point I had tears streaming down my eyes, my vision was blurry and I was huddled in a corner, under the bathroom sink. I was getting a head ache and I felt like screaming. But I couldn't do that. I put the but where my hand meets my thumb in my mouth to muffle my sobs.
I was also biting down so a bit of bloody was starting to come out. I couldn't see, it was spinning; my head, me, my surroundings, all of it was spinning. I jaut wanted this to be over. I just wanted to be happy. Why don't I get to win?

My eyes flooding with tears, I couldn't even hear properly. I could make out the very distant click and opening of a door. But seeing a figure rush next to me I would guess it was just my senses weakening. And surprise surprise, technoblade was there. Right there. In front of me. No trick. He had just come.

How splendid

I had tried to back up into the corner even further- but there was no room, there was no where to hide. I crossed my arms defensively in front of my face, all whilst crying and panicking.
I was expecting anything, anything
A hit, a punch, a yell. Anything.

But instead none of that happened...

(A/N. Lovely. Next chapter I will do my best to do some techno fluff so for now stay safe and wear a mask. Remember to take care of yourselves!)