SBI X CHILD READER (Going through editing)

005- getting "settled" in

TRIGGER WARNING:
Swearing, panic attacks

(Please let me know if I missed any)

Y/N POV

I was terrified, but I couldn't let them know. I couldn't let them know that I knew what they were going to use against me. If they did that would make stuff much worse, much too soon.

The receptionist and Philza exchanged a few words and soon we left for the car. Technoblade still had one of my bags. This didn't unnerve me but I wasn't comfortable, somewhere in between I guess. We pilled into the car; Philza driving, techno next to him in the front, Wilbur at the right in the back, Tommy in the middle and me on the left.
The car had awoken as Phil turned it on and the journey to my new... habitat? No that makes me sound like an animal.Ummmmmm, place of residence? No too formal. Containment? Sounds like I'm an insane person going to an asylum but I'll settle for that, I couldn't even bothered to think of other names.
This wasn't going to be my home. Not after what they had seen.
Literally a minute into the drive, Wilbur decided to try and make conversation, which luckily meant they hadn't suspected my acknowledgment of the situation. I settled on joining in to the conversation, deciding to go on with the the lie, the grand deception I have been telling myself all about. Perhaps I was overthinking? They all seemed so genuine and the three had also been adopted by Phil, and Phil seemed so kind! He didn't seem like he would hurt anyone without a perfectly clear reason.

"God, don't you hear yourself. This is exactly what they want your too think. Your letting your guard down. You're so weak and pathetic, she has always been right about that and you know it."

Fuck, I had just thought about shit and gone that deep in a car, with people in it. People who knew I was already weak and vulnerable.
Aren't I just so smart.

I tried desperately to stop myself from having the panic attack right there in front of everyone.

So I kept it internal.

I screamed and cried.

Inside.

Because I had been told to, a long time ago by many different people. Just because my life -   both past and present- was messed up and left trauma with me didn't mean I had the right to be a burden to others. It was disrespectful and ungrateful.
...right?

I had held up the conversation with the others, slowly losing focus both on what they were asking and I was replying. I was panicking waayyyyy to much for my own good.
Fortunately, we soon arrived at the house, it didn't look too big or too small, it was rather... nice for a change, I had adapted to the fact that most people who wanted to adopt didn't actually give a damn about the child.
They just wanted a medal for being a good person, for "remodelling" a broken being, a lost cause.
Or they perhaps just wanted to mess the child up a bit more.
Most people I had been with went for the second option.

We all went out of the car and I went to get my stuff. I had gotten my backpack and was reaching for one of my other bags when Phil took them and offered to take them to my room for me if I felt ok with it. I agreed but I was not ok with it. I wasn't comfortable with it but I wasn't going to be rude this soon into my stay, I may save myself a few days or so by doing this. We collectively walked to the front door and into the house. It was,something alright. Quite a pretty something in my opinion, but then again that's just me.

"Do you like it? Is it nice? We actually cleaned it for once." Tommy pipped up, Bombarding me with questions.
"Yes I think it's nice Tommy." I had answered him, pulling my best believable smile on. It had been believable - or so I would assume - as Tommy then started dragging me to the living room and sat me down on the sofa.
The boy then moved onto having a very in-depth conversation with me about random stuff nobody would ever talk about otherwise.
I didn't mind his rambling or his lack of maturity, it was distracting and somehow calming. I felt the raging sea inside me simmer down. Somehow talking to this vulgar 16 year old had been the best coping mechanism for a panic attack I had ever used, not that I was using Tommy no! I just appreciated the help he gave me unintentionally.
Techno had retreated to his room and Wilbur just decided to hover around us. Phil had sat down, watching the chaotic themes of conversation unroll.

We had talked for half an hour now and Tommy was about to go on about penguins knees when Philza started cackling and told him to stop for a minute.

"Y/N, you want to come to your room? You could spend the rest of the day unpacking as it's only 2:30 pm"

"Yea I'll go do that, thank you."

I started going up the stairs when halfway young occurred to me I had no idea where anything was.
I quickly ran back down and back into the living room.

"Um so slight inconvenience. I have no idea where anything is."

This just caused them to laugh even more whilst me face burned red from embarrassment, before joining in on their intoxicating laughter. It was so contagious I couldn't help myself.

Phil took me to my room and it was SO pretty! A bit empty but that was going to be fixed as Philza Said we would go buy more stuff once I got all comfortable and settled in. Oddly considerate of someone but it was a kind gesture, despite how it seemed to me.

(A/N Here are some rooms I found on Pinterest. Take these or think of something new as I can't force you to do anything)