Butterflies Yelena X Reader

Chapter 20🦋

Yeah I simp enough to always feel butterflies🦋

Yelena's POV:
Kissing Y/N under a street lamp is not something I could of imagined when we first met. I mean I guess you could say I enjoyed kissing her/him/them. But of course Zeke ruined it. He always ruins things. I mean I was sixteen and he was twenty it really wasn't okay. I mean if you told me that back then I would of never listened to you. 'It's not your fault.' My inner voice reassured. And what if it is. I lay in my dorm room thinking about things. Things one would consider harmful to your mind. I wish Y/N was here. I wouldn't have to worry. But unfortunately after that kiss Y/N had to go. Tomorrow we had no classes so yay, but Y/N had a day with her/his/their parents. Pieck and Annie had other classes, Porco had a part time job, Bertolt and Reiner also have classes. I would probably have to deal with Oyankopon and Aunt. Foster families are a pain. At least I grew up with Pieck, but lately she's been busy. The thought of leaving Marley and looking after aunt just made me upset. Couldn't I have just died with mum and dad. Foster parents just get paid to look after orphans. I mean yes I'm grateful, but Margaret can be annoying. She doesn't respect my beliefs and opinions and I wonder what she'd do if she found out Onyankopon is gay. It was only one o'clock in the morning she'd be awake and smoking or awake and watching soap operas. How was I going to tell everyone I had to leave. I was beginning to feel happy again, but good things never last. Onyankopon could look after her, but she'd marry him off and make him do some 'man' job. Old fashioned people are just problematic. 'Just be grateful.' My inner voice said. It was right I should just be grateful. Grateful for all the things Aunt Margaret gave me, but I also remember her horrible opinions when I was younger. My parents were different. They were accepting and didn't worry much about the things Aunt Margaret would worry about. I know I had to face the problem sooner or later. There wasn't much to it. I'd just leave and do my studies back in Paradis and look after her. And Y/N and everyone will be here in Marley waiting for me. Right? 'Yeah sure.' My inner voice said sarcastically. I need some weed. I ended up eating edibles and smoking weed till seven o'clock in the morning. 'You should call Onyankopon.' My inner voice said. Yeah if he's awake. I searched for my phone in my messy bedroom and after five minutes I found it. I quickly dialed his number and he picked up faster than I thought he would. "Yelena." He said worriedly. "Hey Onyan." I said and probably sounded clearly stoned. "Jesus Yelena are you high?" He asked worriedly. "Um yeah." I said. "Gosh stop smoking. Mum said I'll be in Marley tomorrow." He said happily. "Tomorrow?" I asked. "Tomorrow did you tell all your friends?" He asked. "I don't plan to." I replied. "You have to tell them that you're leaving." He complained. "I can't." I said and my voice started to tremble. "Yelena just tell them and make the most of things." He said in a persuading tone. "But I can't bring myself to." I said. Then I felt a fat warm tear roll down my cheeks and my lips trembled. "Don't cry." Onyankopon said. "Yelena, listen I'll look after mum." He said. I so badly wanted to say yes, but some part of me couldn't ruin Onyankopon's opportunities of seeing Marley like I managed too. I knew how badly he wanted to leave when we were younger. How he said it's his dream. I just couldn't take that away. "No it's fine I'll look after her. Paradis isn't that bad." I said I even forced a smile. "Are you sure?" He asked. "I'm sure." I said confidently not to make him worry. "I have to go, but I'll check in with you later. Bye. Mwah." He said and cut the call. I just threw my phone besides me and cried. I held my teddy bears too. "I don't want to go back." I choked out. 'Listen it's okay you got this.' My inner voice said. No words could make me feel better. I have a plan to leave. Well one without hurting anyone. I'll write everyone letters and give them to them the day I leave. 'Do you think Margaret will allow you to use your phone?' My inner voice asked. I'm a grown woman I can do what I want. Just I can't bring myself to tell    Y/N. Y/N will accept it, but I just feel like she/he/they will be too hurt and it will distance us. 'Is that valid.' My inner voice stated. It's valid enough. I just wanted to live in my own world. Somebody save me. I couldn't feel good at the time I just can't. What if I just die. What if I jump. No, no I have so much ahead of me. Yeah just looking after Margaret. No don't be selfish. She is one of the reasons you're depressed. No that's, because my family is dead my real family. 'Your friends are your family.' My inner voice said. Gosh the weed wasn't helping my messy mind. I want to be a child and have parents again. I don't want to help Margaret. I'm selfish and for once I'll admit it. I wish I had slept, because not being able to sleep and eating snacks all night was going to have bad effects on me. I looked at the shiny black clock above my door. Nine o'clock already? My blinds were shut tight so I probably didn't see the sun rising. I should clean. 'You should practice self care.' My inner voice said. I should. Maybe I need it or more so deserved it. I still have a whole year I shouldn't worry. I started thinking back to things I've wanted to do as a child and this one idea had me smiling. Dressing up fancy and going to the beach at night. A picnic by myself all dressed up on the Marley shores. 'Now that's self care.' My inner voice said. Gosh I need a shower first and then I'll get my shit together. (Bruh what's with straight ugly white boys and calling me ugly? Like stfu street rat incest child.) I grabbed my shower items and some comfy clothes and when I stepped out of my room Pieck was there. "I've been knocking for five minutes. Wait are you crying?" Pieck asked and grabbed my face. "No just weed." I defended. "You my friend smoke weed to forget things." She said and raised an eyebrow. "Do not." I said and walked to the showers. "Wanna shower together?" She asked. "No ask Annie." I said and rolled my eyes. Pieck was totally stoned. "I've known you since we were wee tall and I've never seen your boobies." She said and poked my flat chest. "You will never see them." I said nonchalantly. "I bet Y/N has." Pieck said absentmindedly. "No." I said and blushed. Nobody will see my tits ever. I ran into the bathroom and locked the door. "Knock, knock." Pieck said. "Your mum." I said. "You're a MILF." Pieck slurred. "Pieck go eat a bag of shit I'm busy." I said and turned on the shower. I was feeling extra today so I decided to wash my hair with my lavender shampoo. When I finished my half an hour shower and emerged from the bathroom Pieck was sleeping on the floor in a weird position. "Pieck wake up." I said and kneeled down to poke her. Turns out she was fake sleeping. "Do you like this position?" She asked and I practically fell over and burst out laughing.