Sarah Paulson Mental Health One Shots

You Deserve Better

Lana x Reader (Y/N and Lana have been together for almost a year. This is also Lana present time (like 2021) but same past.)
TW: self harm scars, angst, suicide attempt

Y/N's Pov:
I'm worthless. Lana doesn't deserve to have a fuck up as a girlfriend. She doesn't need this broken life. She deserves the world. Lana made me promise that i would come to her if i felt this way again after my last attempt. But she needs someone better. Someone she wouldn't have to worry about all the time. So i'm doing this for her. To release her from me. I'm a burden to her. I hold her back. I make her worry. She needs this. She deserves to have some closure. She needs that. She deserves that after all i've dragged her through.
I ran a cold bath. I don't get to have the luxury of warmth. I grabbed the bottle of vodka from our kitchen and made my way back to the bathroom in our room. Lana usually works late so i figured she wouldn't be home for another hour or two. I grabbed the sleeping pills out of Lana's night side table. They are when she had her nightmares and couldn't sleep. She had already been through so much and she didn't need me dragging her down any further. I had stopped the water and grabbed my stashed razorblades from the back of the bathroom cabinet. I stayed fully clothed and stepped in the cold water as goosebumps bloomed on my skin. I slumped all the way down in the water, shivering at the temperature. I grabbed the half empty vodka bottle and pills. I opened both the bottles and started shoveling pills down my throat and chugging down the vodka, gagging at the taste. I started to feel dizzy and grabbed the razor. I rolled up my sleeve to be met with my previous scars and bright red lines all down my arm. I began to feel lightheaded so i dropped the blade before i could punish myself further. Before i passed out, I mumbled "I love you Lana, but you need someone stronger. You Deserve Better". I drifted off only a few seconds later.

Lana's Pov:
I came home at 8:30, a little earlier then i usually am. I had missed Y/N all day and i know she's had a few bad days recently. So i thought surprising her would be a great idea. "Y/N?", I called out. No response. "Y/N, are you home? Your cars in the driveway?". Still, no response from Y/N. Although it was a little late, I figured she probably just went on her usual run. I made my way upstairs to our shared bedroom and began to get out of my work clothes. I put on some joggers and a t-shirt and made my way to the bathroom to freshen up. I opened the door and saw her there, lifeless. "Y/N!", i fell to my knees in sobs. "NONONO WHAT DID YOU DO", i choked out between sobs. I slapped her face a few times and nothing. I took all my strength, pulled her out of the tub, and set her on the floor. She was barely breathing. I looked around the bathroom and saw the empty bottles. "Y/N PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME. I NEED YOU PLEASE". I shoved my fingers down her throat to make her throw up the pills. Minutes went by like hours, but she soon started to gag at my actions. "Yes baby, come back to me please". She could barely move, but she opened her eyes some. "L-Lana?", she asked. "Yes sweetheart, I'm right here. Stay with me", i cried out. "Why didn't....", she paused and took a breath. "You...let...me die?". Those words just made me cry more, that this beautiful girl, thought she deserved death. "Oh baby, your mean so much to me. I don't know what i would do if i lost you, you realize that. You mean everything to me, and if i have to spend the rest of my life telling and reminding you, then so be it".

a/n: ok so this is my first mh one shot. this really helped me vent and air out my feelings so yea. i want all of you to know that my dms are open and we can always talk if you need it. no judgement from me ever. please lmk if you liked it and want me to continue these types of one shots💜
-L💜