Sarah Paulson Mental Health One Shots

Where do we go from here?

TW: mentions of self harm and drug habits.
Dm's are always open if you need someone to listen to you. you are not alone.
______________________

I'd truly loved her. The only way i knew how. I clung to her presence like it was keeping me alive, and maybe she was. I've lied to her. She tried to help. That's all she wanted. I've told her little about me and now i'm pretty sure she's upset. I've been used for my body in the past, but she loved me for who i was not my looks or my sex. But soon the love turned to worry. She'd check in on me every day. "Are you okay" or "How was your day" helped, but I would lie. "Yes i'm fine, what did you do today". I did everything to avoid that conversation, fear that i would burden her with my problems. She would always worry about my old habits. Made sure i didn't slip back to my old ways of hurting myself, physically and mentally. I've battled with self harm for many years but sometimes that's all that helps. The feeling of the cold blade against my skin, knowing that i deserve this pain. Even sometimes, i would just cut to remember the feeling. The warmth of the open wound i just created. The used to be warm blood exiting my body, becoming a cold thick substance on my skin. My drug habits. Getting high was my escape. I got to forget my fucked up life, even if it lasted 4 hours or 12, i was free. I told her about my problems almost immediately. I trusted her. I didn't trust easily. I was broken and screwed over to many times to. But her, she was different. And when i told her, she didn't look at me differently, but told me "that's what makes you, you sweetheart". She didn't understand fully, my habits and struggles, but she tried her best to be there for me. But now we've stopped sharing. We've grown distant. I'm sorry my love, i didn't know i could break you too. Now it's back to old habits. There's nothing left to do baby. The blades are red again and my escape is coming close. So the question is, where do we go from here?

a/n: hi. haven't updated this in a second and i know this isn't a x reader story but i really just needed somewhere to vent (my notebook wasn't doing it for me so i just thought maybe i could publish this?🙂). This had just came to me all the sudden and i just wanted to share. I was going to publish my venable x reader: ed one today but i just couldn't deal with it today so i'll publish tomorrow(or maybe later idk yet). also have zero motivation to proof read so all mistakes are mine. have a good day or night loves<3
-L💜