Sarah Paulson Mental Health One Shots

I love you, all of you

TW: eating disorders/ specifically anorexia
_____________________
(Y/N and Wilhemina have been dating for over a year now. They love each other but soon Y/N feels she needs to lose weight and soon thinks "skipping a few meals won't hurt".)

It was only food. I mean, what's the worst that could happen if I don't eat. Mina "claimed" I was perfect. She said that everything about me was gorgeous and that I never had to change, for her or for anyone.

We had this conversation because she noticed the lack of meals I would attend, my constant checking of my weight, and most of all, my body becoming thinner and thinner. Mina realized almost three weeks after it started. She didn't comment on it at first, no matter how badly it was killing her to ask. The guilt ate away at her. It tore her apart even more when I passed out a few days ago, but I played it off like I just hit my head earlier in the day. I suspected she knew I was lying, but she didn't say anything about it. She felt the need to help me, but Mina never wanted to put me in an akward position. That was until tonight.

We were laying in our shared bed, her arm snaked around my waist, and her nose in a book. I rested my head on her chest, listening to her rhythmic heartbeat. She only gripped a little on my waist, something she would do to show her love and possessiveness over me, but it still caused me to flinch. That's when she put her book down on the nightstand and started stroking my hair softly.

"Little one, are you feeling alright?", she asked very calmly. "Yes I'm fine", I said, with a clearly fake smile. She frowned a little at my words and opened her mouth to reply. "Baby, you know that you can tell me anything, right? Even if you think I'll be upset or mad at you, I can promise now I won't be". Hearing her say that, clearly hinting to what's been going on, made me feel guilty in a way.

'Why was I hiding this from her if it wasn't that big a deal', I thought to myself. The silence was loud and killing me, I hadn't even noticed my tears beginning to fall. "Y/N. What's going on baby, talk to me", she said with worry lingering in her voice. Mina never used my name, always calling me sweet nicknames that made my heart flutter. "I-I just...". Hot tears started streaming down my face faster then before. This made Mina sit up, keeping me on her chest.

"Honey, I love you with every bone in my body. You mean so much to me and I don't know what I would do without you. I'll always be here for you, to listen to what you have to say". My breath hitched at her delicate words. I contemplated my next thought for a moment before opening my mouth to speak. "I just- I feel so ugly. Why did I have to be fat and disgusting. I wish I had a skinny body like everyone else. I don't want to have these scars on my body", I motioned towards my purple stretch marks on my stomach. "I look hideous with these".

Mina took her hands out of my hair and placed them on my cheeks, making me look at her.   "I can understand that very much. I feel ugly with this huge scar popping out of my back. I hate it. I've felt self-conscious of it since I was a kid. But darling, you are the most perfect thing to walk the Earth. I love you, all of you. The things you may hate about yourself, make you who you are and I wouldn't change that. You are beautiful inside and out". Her words resonated with me so deeply. Mina was right, she did have battle scars. But she never let that stop her. I loved her so much.

I sobbed a little louder now, letting out small whimpers here and there. But Mina stayed there and held me for hours, patiently waiting for when I was ready to talk.

a/n: this was a request from Wilheminasbb and WilheminasWifey i just combined both into one. I might do a part 2 but i'm still not sure. I really like this one honestly and i came to me in english soooo. anywho, i hope you people enjoy this and stay safe out there. have a good morning or night wherever you guys are<3.
-L💜