Nowadays// L.s.j fan fiction

Anxious

*Y/n pov*

I woke up at 05:30 am to a whole house sleeping. I snuk out of my room as quietly as possible so that I didn't wake up Soojin Unnie. I sat down in the living room with a cup of coffee and put on the TV.

I really liked waking up early not because I don't like the other members but early in the morning Its just so quiet and I get to have a moment to myself which I didn't get a lot.

Today was also the day we would attent a music award for the first time and even though I dreamt about this moment happening I was still so scared of messing up so much that I started crying, anxiety took the better of me. I felt like I couldn't breathe anymore, like I was trapped in a small room without air.

I was crying, trying to get air until I saw a figure coming out of my room. When I saw it was Soojin Unnie I got a little bit of my mind back when she asked me: "hey, it's alright, you're safe with me. Is it okay if I touch you?"

I slowly nodded as she wrapped her arms around me. One of her hands went to cup my face drying some of the tears that left my face.

"Breathe, breathe in through your nose and out from your mouth. I know you can do it." She whispered in my ear.

"I can't, unnie I can't." I cried as I started to hyperventilate.

"You can, match my breathing okay? Very slowly. You're alright." Eventually I managed to get the strength to breathe like she did and started to calm down.

Soojin Unnie was about to leave when I grabbed her hand as a reflex. "Please.. stay, I don't want to be alone." I said. Already feeling guilty about what I said I let go of her hand for her to join me on the couch.

"Of course, come here." She smiled widely.

I felt so safe in her arms, time just stopped the moment we touched and I never wanted to let go. Soojin Unnie was still pretty tired and went back to sleep while holding me.

About 2 hours later I decided to wake her up since we would need to go to the award show for rehearses.

"Unnie, wake up." I whispered in her ear as she woke up.

"Are you okay Unnie? Your eyes are all red." I heard Jihyo say as she entered the living room.

"Its alright, it was just a hard night but I'm better now! Don't worry." I said to her.

I shouldn't bother the younger one's with my panic attack they're nervous too and I need to be there for them. I loosened myself from Soojin Unnie and started to do my morning routine. After I think 20/30 minutes i was done.

"Unnieeee, you're so slow in getting readyyyyy." I whined as she was still busy with her makeup.

When everyone was ready we had about an hour before we left but luckily our manager had prepared some food before hand so we wouldn't have to cook today. Jihyo was leading the conversation, she was extra talkative today and I think that's because she's also nervous for our first real stage but I mean who could blame her, we were all nervous.

It was finally time to go, I was in the car with Jimin, Jaehee and Soojin Unnie, this car ride would be different because now Soojin Unnie was fully awake and so were the others so everyone started to talk a lot with each other but I didn't quite get what they were saying, it was like my mind was tuning out all the voices. This continued for almost the whole car ride until I felt a hand on my leg and I went from not being able to hear anyone to hearing everyone all at once.

"Y/n, are you okay? You haven't talked the whole car ride even when we asked you something" Soojin Unnie said while still touching my leg.

If I wasn't in the car with Jaehee I would've said what was wrong but I really don't want to bother the younger one's with how nervous I am. So if I showed Soojin Unnie, Jiyoon, Jimin and Soeun how nervous I was Jihyo, Jaehee and Zoa would feel 10 times more nervous.

"I'm okay, I promise just very exited to finally perform on stage" I said to the others to calm them down a little bit.

Just like the last car ride me and Soojin Unnie were all the way in the back of the car because me and Soojin Unnie's favorite seats were there.

Soojin Unnie leaned in to my ear and whispered this: "why didn't you tell them you're nervous"

So I whispered back: "I don't want them to be more nervous than they already are Unnie-"

"WHY ARE YOU GUYS WHISPERING THATS NO FUN" Jimin and Jaehee blurred out at the exact same moment. Their timing is just creepy.

"Yah, it was nothing, we'll stop now" I said to Jimin and Jaehee and everyone just started to talk again but this time I was also talking a bit, I felt a little bit more relaxed but that didn't last long because now Soojin Unnie's hand Still had a firm grip on my thigh, she acted like there was nothing going on but I felt like my heart could jump out of my chest at any moment.

I knew it was normal for k-pop idols to be touchy and stuff but for some reason when Soojin Unnie touched me it felt so different, it felt so nice when she touched me and i never wanted it to stop.

We finally arrived at the place where we would be on stage for the first time ever, we stepped outside of the car and entered the building. This day would change our lives for ever.