Nowadays// L.s.j fan fiction

Grieve

*Y/n pov*

I woke up to Soojin Unnie holding me tightly. I didn't want to wake up, being awake only meant hurting at this moment.

"Good morning y/n, I hope you got a little bit of rest." I heard Soojin Unnie say to me. I'm so glad that Unnie is here with me, she makes me feel a lot better every time I see her or hear her voice.

"Unnie, thank you for staying here with me, I really needed it" I thanked her.

"Y/n you don't have to call me Unnie when we're alone, please call me Soojin. You calling me unnie sounds like we aren't close."

Could I really call her Soojin? But she's older than me, is she joking?

"But Unnie you're older than me, I can't just call you by your first name."

"Please just call me Soojin, I don't care if I'm older I want you to call me by my first name."

"Are you sure unn- I mean Soojin?"

"I'm 100% percent sure y/n, it feels a lot better when you call me by my first name." She said while still holding me. Her body was really warm, I've never felt this kind of warmth, it felt so nice.

"Soojin, what's the date?" I asked. She checked her phone and said.

"It's Saturday, July 1st." Soojin told me.

"And what time?" I asked

"06:38 In the morning."

"Can I make you some coffee y/n? Is there anything I can do for you?" Soojin asked me. Her voice is the only thing I need.

"Can you tell me some stories? Or things that happened in your life before I knew you?" I asked a bit shy.

"Of course. Well before I met you I was on this show Mixnine, I was the center for the group song and I met such an awesome people there! The show made me get close to Itzy's Ryujin And Loona's Heejin and Hyunjin, we're still in touch and have this groupchat called '4Jin'"

Soojin started to talk more about her trainee life, I looked at her face and when I saw the sparkle in her eyes
I couldn't hold my tears in anymore, her eyes were just so beautiful just like herself. Everything about her was perfect.

And then I realized it, I wanted her, I only wanted her, I wanted her to be mine. I was staring at her beautiful brown eyes and she was staring at mine.

we started to get closer and closer, her hand was on my face while she pulled me closer to her. My mind went completely blank in that moment.

"UNNIE ITS 06:45 IN THE MORNING BE QUIET" Zoa said while barging into our room. Sujin's hand immediately went of my face and we backed off.

"What are you guys doing?" Zoa asked confused.

"Nothing Zoa, I'm sorry for waking you up I promise we'll be more quiet go to the kitchen and set the table I'll be there in a minute to make breakfast, oh and could you also wake up the others."

"I will, I'll see you in a minute Unnie" Zoa said while leaving.

Me and Soojin exchanged glances one more time before she left. What just happened? Were me and Soojin really just about to kiss? Does she even have those feelings for me? I don't know...

A few minutes after Soojin left our room I also got out but first I changed into my sports outfit because I was going to practice after breakfast to get my mind off everything.

When I went into the kitchen everyone hugged me because they knew what happened yesterday. They said some really nice things that made me feel a lot better.

After breakfast I went to the practice rooms and I just started to sing my feelings out. With the death of my grandma I remembered something that happened in the past, that scarred me really bad so I started to sing it.

I grabbed the guitar, sat down and started to sing.

And before I knew it there I was.. crying.. I thought I forgot her, I thought I could finally move on. At that moment Sujin walked in looking for me.

"Y/n what's wrong?? Why are you crying??" Sujin said while running up to me to hug me. She held me tightly which was really comforting.

We decided to sit down against the walls and talk.

"Y/n can you tell me what's wrong? Is it your grandma?" Soojin said to me.

"Well that too but there's something else going on too..." I replied back.

"Can you please tell me what's going on, I'm really worried about you y/n" she said looking at me.

"4 years ago I had my first girlfriend her name was Chul Jiwon. She meant the world to me and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her but she selfharmed and she was suicidal.
At that time I wasn't in a good place either and we were only making each other worse but we loved each other so much we couldn't leave.

She was my first kiss, first time doing it, she was so special to me and I couldn't see myself with anyone besides her.

Because i wasn't in a right place at that time I couldn't be there for her so I was only hurting her while she was with me.

The day of our two year anniversary I came to her house to see that she overdosed. I found her dead in her bathroom with a note.

"I'm sorry I did this darling, I just couldn't take it anymore. No one was there for me and I had no other option to end this pain for ever. I hope you forgive me
- Chul Jiwon"

If I was just there for her she would still be here and I could tell her how much I loved her one more time and it would all be over. I cried out to Sujin.

"It's not your fault y/n! It was impossible to help someone when you weren't feeling good either. What your ex-girlfriend did was give you trauma for the rest of your life and you deserve none of that y/n" Soojin said to me.

Her words hit deep in my heart. I wanted Soojin but I coudn't, Jiwon was holding me back. She still haunts me till this day, I wish i could just move on.