THOSE EYES

CHAPTER 16 - Why?

I looked up at his regretful expression and asked myself what I really want. Tom keeps telling me that nothing will ever happen between us, but at the same time, he acts all sweet, carrying, and he thinks about my feelings, sometimes.

Is it maybe all because of that stupid mark that keeps messing with my reasoning? Making me feel what I don't want to and forcing me to experience feelings I never have.

"Hey, there, don't worry. I'll go out now," Tom said while cupping my check and softly gliding one finger under my eye.

"No!" I shouted at him. He lightly chuckled and spoke sweetly: "Then please tell me what to do."

I don't want to cling onto him like he is the saving boat, but something keeps telling me to pull him even closer than he already is. At the same time, my reasoning tells me that I should run away from him at full speed. But I can't accept the way, he keeps hiding something from me, and I don't know why.

"Please get in the bathtub," I said with a faint voice while watching down into the clear water, waiting for his words or moves. Tom slowly sat down behind me. The warm water overflowed out, I quickly tried to stand up, but he pulled me back in between his legs.

"Let it flow," he said while placing a small kiss on the middle of my neck. I leaned back on his chest and spoke: "Okay ..."

"I'm sorry," he said while wrapping his arms around me. I snuggled into his warm chest, listening to his slow, measured heartbeat.

"Why are you sorry?" I asked him before jawing.

"It must have hurt. I'm sorry for that," Tom said while slowly sliding his finger tips up my arms. I like the resonation his deep voice makes when he speaks, it's very calming.

"It didn't hurt at all. For my first time, it was great," I said while taking in a deep breath. Tom's hands stopped moving, resting on my belly. "I'm glad we feel the same about it. And please stop saying that something like your sexuality or psyche defines you as a person. Do you understand that?" he said out loud. I only hummed in approval and snuggled even more into his chest.

"Can you just talk for a little bit?" I said, half-asleep while slowly tracing my nails down his chest.

Tom chuckled and asked: "What do you want me to talk about?"

"You can talk about whatever you want. Just talk," I said before closing my eyes. Tom started talking about the most human thing animals do that he watched on Discovery the other day. I listened to something about otters, chimps and dolphins before I drifted into my personal dreamland.

✲

A beam of sunlight woke me up the next day, laying in Tom's embrace. He was wrapping his hands around me, heavily breathing with his eyes gently closed. I slowly moved from his grasp, stood up butt naked, and while I was walking toward the door, I picked a pair of pants and a shirt. I closed the door behind me, and when I turned around, the demon animals were already waiting for me. I jumped up at their site, and they quickly turned around from me. I pulled an oversized t-shirt over my head and slid into what looked like enormous track pants that looked somehow baggy on me. It's all because I let someone rip my clothes off. Now that scene came back into my mind, and I'm too embarrassed even to face him head-on.

"Good morning to you too. Please don't ignore me," I said before walking in front of those three demons. They were clenching their eyelids together, and their ears were droopy from embarrassment.

"Look, I'm all dressed now," I said while showing them the half fitted sports clothing on me. They opened their lit-up eyes. Their tails started wiggling, and when they were about to bark, I whispered: "Shhh, let's move to the kitchen." They silently followed me to the kitchen. Once we were in the kitchen, I spoke: "I'm going to make breakfast for a change, but I don't know what he likes." While I was rummaging through various cupboards, a faint male voice spoke: "eggs ..."