Home

Chapter Fourteen

14.

The next couple of days are torture. Whenever Edward hears anyone coming up behind him, he flinches. He found Sam on the evening of the day the pills were supposed to be in his possession. Sam had told him that he was behind on deliveries. But he'd have it in the next few days. Just be patient, was what he was told. But Edward was anything but patient. He'd nodded and said it was no problem, but please, don't give them to be in front of anyone. Which had made Sam smirk. He had the control. He could do what he wanted. Edward just had to pray he wouldn't ask for the money in front of anyone, especially Adam. He didn't know why he was so worried, it was his life. If he wanted pills, he could get them. Just like Adam got cigarettes when he wanted. But for some reason, this felt worse. Edward knew what he was doing was wrong, but he just couldn't stop himself. He wanted and needed those pills. He needed them to survive this place. So, he went about his usual routine. Breakfast, lunch and dinner the same. No changes. Art therapy and group therapy were the same. But he just didn't trust himself to talk that much. Which of course, Adam noticed.

As they sat at dinner one night, eating a stir-fried noodles, chicken and vegetables, Adam asked quietly, "You alright?"

Edward nods, twirling noodles onto his fork, "Yeah. Just got a bit on my mind is all"

Edward meets Adam's eyes and sees he isn't convinced so adds in, "Nothing I can't handle though".

"If you're sure," Adam says and gulps down some water. Edward nods again, unsure what else to do. So, he turns his attention to Jordan, who's sitting next to Adam at the other side of the table.

"Jordan," when he has the young boy's attention he asks, "Got anyone visiting tomorrow?"

Jordan quickly shrugs his head, "Mum and dad are meant to be. Dunno if they will though".

"Why?" Adam asks, and then grins, "I'm sure they want to hear about all the meds you're on".

"Adam," Ben warns from next to Edward, "Be kind".

"Just some banter," Adam says and then adds to Jordan, "Right Jordan? Didn't mean anything by it".

Jordan nods and gives half a smile, "Am on a lot of meds right now".

"Same here," Ben shrugs and piles some chicken into his mouth, "Quite like them though".

"I don't," Jordan says, the smile gone, "I don't feel like me."

"Oh boy", Adam grins, nudging Jordan's arm, "What I would do to not feel like me anymore. You're lucky".

Ben waves his hand at Adam, "Again, we're not meant to say stuff like that".

Adam just grins in response and Edward finds himself grinning too. Finally feeling alright, like everything is going to work out. He's going to be okay, once he gets those pills he'll feel better. He won't feel like himself again. And if Adam does find out, he'll understand, right? Edward doesn't want to feel like himself anymore, he just doesn't want to feel in general. And these pills will help him. He'll still be himself, just number. And that's all he wants. The boys continue to talk back and forth, Jordan joining in, attempting to make some weak jokes. And now, Edward doesn't mind Jordan following them about. He just wants people. And Edward can't blame him. It's a lonely world at there. It'll mess you up if you have no one out there. Edward knows this first hand.

Just as they're all almost done dinner, minus Ashley who still has at least half a plateful left, Edward feels a shadow behind him.

"Edward," at his name, he turns around and sees him. He almost curses under this breath when he sees Sam standing behind him. He starts to sweat, and he can feel his cheeks flush.