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Chapter Eight

8.

Today is the day that Edward has been dreading. He doesn't move from his bed when the door is opened by the nurse and she calls in good morning in her usual cheery voice. He used to loathe her voice, her happiness so early in the morning. Now he just merely hates it. One day, he hopes he'll like it, maybe even enjoy her call of good morning boys or rise and shine boys. But he is doubtful. He's not a morning person and he never has been. But somehow being here has made him hate the mornings even more. And he hates this specific morning. He hears Ben jump out of bed and begin to make his bed. But he just lies there. Not moving an inch, the only movement from his body is the soft breathing and the gentle flutter of his eyelashes as he blinks. He doesn't move when Ben pulls back the curtains and lets the bright light stream into the window. He doesn't move when Ben goes into the bathroom, not bothering to close the door behind. He doesn't move when Ben comes out and stands over his bed, watching him. Edward doesn't move until Ben pulls back the covers of his duvet and grins as Edward moans.

"Come on. Breakfast".

Edward can't argue. He has to go to breakfast or else Doctor Hutt comes to see him and he's dragged to even more private therapy. So far, he's managed to dodge the awkward sessions by sitting in silence. Not uttering a single word. Doctor Hutt sighs, but doesn't force him to speak. Edward knows this isn't doing anything to help his progress, but he just doesn't care. And especially when he brought the news he'd be dreading. When that bombshell burst into the air, Edward broke his silence to beg Doctor Hutt not to let it happen. He asked politely, and then angrily and then he began to beg. But the doctor didn't listen. He asked Edward to explain his concerns, but Edward had had enough. He sat for the rest of the session chewing his lip.

He spent the whole of the rest of the day chewing his lip. He made it bleed but he didn't care. Adam had given him a funny look at dinner when Edward refused food, and instead chose to chew his lip instead. He tasted blood but carried on chewing. He felt his grow lips raw and sore but carried on chewing. He refused to watch the movie that was put on, instead sat and stared at the white wall, wondering why this had to happen to him. And wondering how he could get a fix quickly. All he wanted was some pills. Some small white ones, or big grey ones or anything. Just some sort of pill. But again, he was refused by the nurses and Ben when he asked. Of course, he was. But that didn't stop him dreaming about it. He spent the rest of the movie fantasying about the pills. The ones he first had from the little red bottle from the doctor. He had thought nothing could be better than those. Then he tried new ones. The small grey ones. They were the best. They made him feel numb and alive at the same time. A combination that Edward would do anything for right now. Just one of those small pills could make all his problems go away. Just for the night. A sweet relief is all he wants. All he needs.

"You alright mate?" Ben had asked as they all filed back to their rooms after the movie.

Edward grunted in reply, he didn't trust himself to speak. All he could think about was the pills. All those pills that could be his.

"Ben mate leave him be." He heard Adam mutter, and patted Edward on the back as he marched past, making his way to his bedroom, three doors down from theirs.

Edward laid down on his bed, not bothering to change into the new pyjamas that had been lain out for him. Instead he burrows deep into the covers and closed his eyes. Continued to chew on his lip. Its cracked and oozed with blood with each bite, but he didn't care. He cringed with the pain when he bit down on the raw flesh but didn't care. He liked the pain. It's the only thing he's feeling at the moment. He somehow managed to doze off into a dreamless, restless sleep. He hasn't been able to dream in a long time.

And now, he sits at breakfast and pushes the porridge around the bowl with his spoon. He's not in the mood to eat but he had to take something, to keep the nurses happy. He doesn't take part in the conversation about the movie. He doesn't even know what the movie was about last night, he paid no attention. His lips are cracked and raw and probably have dried blood around them, but he doesn't care. He just wants some pills. It's all he can think about. Just one pill.