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Chapter Thirteen

13.

Today is the day. Edward has decided that today is the day. He's going to do it. He's going to slink up to the blonde-haired boy named Sam and do it. He's been sitting in the same position for a good 20 minutes now. Just waiting for the right moment. Ben, Ashely and Adam aren't in the longue with him. Which is good. He can't do this if they're around. He needs to be alone. He takes a deep breath as he watches another blonde-haired boy scurry away, stuffing something into his pocket as he goes. This is his chance. He stands up and looks around. Only a few older men sitting on the chairs, playing cards. They don't pay any attention to what's going on at the other side of the room, where the swaps are taking place.

He glances at the clock. 12:30pm. He has about 10 minutes until the rest of the boys make an appearance. And ruin his chance. He's been waiting for weeks for this moment. He asked and asked and asked so many different people who could get smuggle him something in. And finally got his answer. Sam Hugh. The 26-year-old who can get anything you can ask for, within reason of course. And Edward thinks his request is within reason. A few pills, he's not fussy. And that'll help him with the headaches and shaking. He needs them. And no one needs to know about it. He can swallow them quickly and quietly and no one will find out. Especially Adam. He doesn't want Adam to know. So, it's his secret. Another secret that no one will should find out. That he hopes no one will find out about. But he's tried this before. And it didn't work out the best. Keeping secrets ended him up in here. A sad, lonely, bright place. He's still unsure if he's thankful he was found or not. But this secret will be easier to keep. It's only a few pills and no one will find out. This time he has it under control. And it's for the best, it'll help him. At least that's what he's telling himself.

He takes a deep breath and moves. He walks with stiff legs and shaky hands over to Sam. As he gets closer, Sam looks up and watches Edward until they're standing inches away from each other.

"Haven't seen you around much", Sam says, his green eyes meeting Edwards.

"I wondered if you could get something for me. I heard you're good at that," Edward replies, and forces his shaking hands in his pocket, not wanting Sam to see how pathetic he really is.

Sam smirks, "What do you need?"

"Just some pills," Edward says and glances around again. He wonders if the other boys in the room knows what's going on. If they use Sam to get stuff too, or if they think Edward is as pathetic as he is.

"Pills? What type?"

Edward feels a roll of sweat trickle down his neck, this was easier done when he was already in his high. He feels worse doing it sober. He knows it's wrong. But he doesn't care enough to stop. He needs them badly. "Any. The cheapest".

Sam grins and replies, "You're an easy costumer."

"How much will it be?" Edward asks, glancing at the clock. 4 minutes till Ben, Ashley and Adam come. He can't let them see him. If they do, it's game over. He'll be alone again.

Sam looks around the room and then sniffs, "I'll do it for £20. Since it's your first time. I'll have by the day after tomorrow, that alright?"

Edward nods, and Sam adds in, "I'll take payment then,"

Edward nods again and mutters, "Thanks".

Sam grins and then says in a low voice, "Now get lost, yeah? Don't want to bring attention to us".

So, Edward does as he says. He quickly walks away and out the room. He wants to run back and tell him not to get the pills. He can do without. But the reality is that he doesn't think he can. He desperately wants the pills. He wants to be able to sleep a dreamless sleep again. He doesn't want the constant aching and sadness he feels all day long. But at the same time, he feels guilty. And he's more determined now than ever not to let the boys find out. He's shaking and sweaty and needs to calm down before he goes to lunch. He hurries along the corridor, head bent, sweat dripping. And that's when he slams into someone walking the opposite way.