I Can't Choose...

Before You Go...

*IM SO SORRY MY LOVES BUT YES... IM ABOUT TO MAKE TOU CRY AGAIN! IM SORRY MY LOVES!!! THIS HURT ME TO MAKE IT TOO! (Also this whole chapter is in your perspective since it won't need a multi route part until after this)*

The next week...

Y/n pov

Daichi was gone... and I couldn't believe it. I woke up this morning expecting him to give me a hug and tell me it was all a dream... but it's not. It's real... and he's dead. I grabbed my pillow and cried. I haven't seen anybody in a week. I felt sick on the inside. It felt like the world had ended.

"I didn't even get to say goodbye..."

I've been going through the stages of grief. I didn't want to feel anything anymore after going through this.

(Yes I actually had to google this shit cause I sometimes can't remember #3)

First stage: Denial

On the first day, I was so sure Daichi was going to come through that door and say something that would make me smile and tell me everything was alright. I was so damn sure he was alive that I called his phone... until Asahi answered and asked why I was calling. Then it hit me.

He truly was gone...

Second stage: Anger

On the second day, I was beginning to have fits of anger. Nobody was talking to me. Everyone abandoned me. I was angry at myself... for letting Daichi go without me.

"He shouldn't be dead."

I was so angry, I called Coach Ukai, Takeda, Kiyoko, and even Yachi and screamed at how they shouldn't have let it happen. I called Asahi to vent to him and I couldn't help but cry. Tanaka even let me vent to him. I didn't dare to speak to the first years. I didn't want them to see me weak.

"WHY?! WHY DID HE LEAVE ME?!"

I was angry that Daichi left me... alone... with no one to care about me. The only person who loved me... is dead. I hated everyone and everything at this point.

Third stage: Bargaining

On the third day, I started to cut off ties with everyone. Nobody talked to me... and if they did... I shut them down. I didn't need anybody. I took and hid all of Daichi's things... even his jersey.

"Why... why him?"

My brother... the last thing I had... was GONE. Why would someone hurt me like this?! WHY?! I tried to get Asahi and even Tanaka and Ennoshita to take the Captain position. I couldn't do it. I couldn't replace Daichi.

"But you're not replacing him..."

Fourth stage: Depression

On the fourth day, I fell into a deep hole... a hole that seemed so endless and bottomless. That hole seemed to never go away. I was sad, I hated myself, and I felt so sick all the time. I didn't even want to get out of bed half the time. I would go into Daichi's room and curl up on his bed and cry. I wouldn't even eat either. Nothing help numb the pain. I often would grab his jersey and cry into it, often catching a whiff of his sweat and body odor. I haven't washed anything of his since he passed.

"Why..."

A month later...

Fifth stage: Acceptance

After a month, I finally accepted the fact that Daichi was never coming back. I still wasn't myself. I knew what I was doing to myself wasn't healthy. I've lost too much weight. I'm underweight and malnourished. I haven't even played volleyball in a month. I bet Coach took me off the starting lineup.