Persevere

Chapter 23

A/N: One more chapter after this, thank you to everyone that's gone on this adventure with me. #Henny appreciates it

A small part of me wishes that I didn't go on this job, that I never saw what I saw but I needed to see that. I needed to have my eyes opened to what was going wrong in our relationship that I just didn't want to admit. We're not perfect, no one is, and if we want to keep our marriage going strong then we have to work on it. Both of us have to work on it.

What happened was bad, there's no denying it. I also took off really quickly and didn't talk to him. I put myself in danger even knowing that I was pregnant and that put a bigger strain on us so I can't blame him for all of our problems. The adrenaline from being on a job, being on the run, I missed it and I wanted to be there. We both have things that need to be worked on.

Our first two weeks home were a little awkward but that's just how things are right now. We're working on figuring out how to get back to us. Luke suggested marriage counseling and at first I was against it, I thought we could handle it between us but after realizing how tense things are at home I relented. It has been working, it's opened our eyes to things we didn't realize about each other. It also has reinforced things we knew about each other.

Luke will always be the protective husband/father, nothing is ever going to change that and I don't want it to ever change. I am always going to be an adrenaline junkie, I like the rush, the feel of the nerves and anxiety. I like being on the streets protecting my own just as much as he does. By trying to keep each other home, we were stifling each other, trying to change the parts of each other that are the biggest motivating factors.

We've been together for a long time and we've gone through more than what your normal couple goes through in a lifetime. That puts stress on anyone and neither one of us knew how to handle it in the best way so we lashed out. I decided to go on a job that I know I shouldn't have been on and my husband decided to entertain another woman. We picked the worst ways to try to regain a control that we never lost, we just . . . lost sight of it.

"Mom?" Sam said, walking into my bathroom.

"What's up Sam?" I asked as I put away some stuff that I had purchased.

"Are you and dad getting a divorce?" she asked, looking at me in the mirror.

"Sweetie, where did you . . . why are you asking me that?" I asked, turning to look at her and seeing the pain in her eyes.

"It's been a month and dad is still sleeping downstairs. He didn't sleep with you in Samoa either and you didn't spend a lot of time together. He did something bad, didn't he? With that spy lady. Are you breaking up?"

"Samantha, it's . . . complicated. I wish I had a better answer for you but I don't. I don't want to get a divorce, if that matters any." I told her.

"He messed up bad, didn't he?" she sighed.

"Yes, he did and we're working on seeing where things go now. Sweetie, both of us messed up and did things we shouldn't have done, we said things we shouldn't have said. Now we have to work on us again." I told her.

"Are you gonna leave again?"

"No, I don't plan on leaving. I'm sorry that that's the image you have of me. Sam, I would never walk away from you. "

"I know mom. Do you still love him?"

"I do."

"Does he love you?" she whispered.

"He says he does, that's what he told me."

"You don't believe him? Is that doctor lady helping you?"