Forever

Part 3: Speak

The days were getting longer and warmer. Jay's little trips to the harbour were happening less frequently than usual due to the longer training hours. But when he did go, he stayed for what felt like forever.

It'd been 3 months since she had left. It felt like an eternity. Nowadays, Jay doesn't go to visit her alone anymore.  Cole offered to go with him most times, which Jay enjoyed. Company was nice every now and then. He felt less heartbroken with Cole around.

They'd usually finish up training for the day, shower and eat, and head down to the harbour. They'd stay there and chat for hours and yet they still felt as if Nya was there listening to everything they spoke about.

"Do you wanna go into the city tomorrow?" Cole suggested, "I know you keep declining because you want to avoid the public but I really think that going somewhere other than here or the Monastery would be good."

Jay had been saying no for weeks for those exact reasons and didn't plan on going anywhere public anytime soon. Cole was trying to help him and he understood that. Maybe finally going out and enjoying himself was a good idea, but he couldn't do it. Not yet anyway. He wasn't ready.

"Cole..." Jay sighed, "I can't..."

A lot had changed since those few weeks after he'd lost her. Before, he rarely ever spoke to anyone. He'd spent every evening at the harbour, crying to the ocean, hoping Nya would come back to him. It hadn't worked of course, but it made him feel somewhat better. Now, he still did cry at the ocean thinking she'd come back, but not as much. His heart still ached every time he thought about her, which was most of the time to be honest. The longer he was without her, the dumber he felt.

"You can," Cole stared out at the horizon, "You just don't want to."

"I can't help it," Jay murmured.

This was why he didn't really want to talk to anyone, especially not about his feelings. Cole understood him the best yet he was so determined to get him to go outside and be around people that he wasn't comfortable around right now. Jay had poured his heart and soul out to Cole about his troubles yet all he seemed to want was for him to do stuff he didn't want to do. 

Cole sighed, "I know... I don't blame you. I just feel like shutting yourself away from the world isn't healthy."

He was right - it wasn't healthy - but what else could he do? If he decided one day to take a stroll around the busy streets of Ninjago City and bump into someone blaming him for everything or someone asking questions about how he felt about Nya leaving, it would bring back all those horrible and painful memories that he was trying so hard to get rid of. It didn't mean that he didn't want to go outside and have fun for once, of course not, but his anxiety always got in the way too. He was so tired of his mind and heart doing this to him. He just wanted to be free again. But he couldn't be free without her.

Jay stayed silent. He wasn't quite sure what to say. If he was to be honest, he'd most likely lose his best friend, which was the one thing he didn't need right now. If only Cole understood that he still needed time. 

Cole didn't mean to sound like a jerk. He knew it had been rough for jay lately but as his best friend, it was his duty to make everything better. It would take a while for him to get over the loss of Nya, and that was crystal clear, but the first step was to get Jay to go out in public again. He was a ninja, he needed to. 

"I'm sorry," Cole sighed, "I just miss hanging out with you. You don't seem to want to do anything anymore."

It's like Jay had thought about before, the more time he spent without Nya, the more he realised that he spent the majority of his time with her. And now without her around, he had nothing to do. He had no where to be except his bed. Crying was the only thing he could bring himself to do now.