Forever

Part 5: Drive

"And I know we weren't perfect but I've never felt this way for no one..." 

It probably wasn't a good idea. He'd told himself that for days yet he still found himself doing it. 

"And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone..."

10 months. 

You'd think he would be okay by then.

If he told himself that everything was perfect then maybe he'd believe it. Sometimes he did. Other times he still sat there and cried for hours.

What was new?

He started talking to the team again. It was only simple sentences, not usually whole conversations, but at least it was something. He was slowly getting better. Slowly. Training was also getting easier for him. He was less distracted. Wu often congratulated him on it and it would make him feel better even just for a moment. It felt nice.

Just when he thought things were going well, he'd remember the reason why he was distracted so often in the first place. He almost felt happy. 

He removed anything that reminded him of her. Took down the pictures, returned the hoodies to her room, hid photo albums, put his half of the yin/yang medallion in a box at the back of his wardrobe. He did everything he could to try and move on.

Moving on was the hardest part. 

For a few days everything was going smoothly again until he came across something he never thought he'd see again. 

That damn maroon scarf. 

Why did he buy it in the first place? Where did he even get it from? It looked like bacon. He should've got rid of it.

Who knew a scarf could hold so many memories?

That's what set him off again. And that's the reason why he was here.

Driving wasn't a good idea, especially when he was feeling like this. Who knew what would happen. But that didn't stop him.

As soon as it hit 7pm, he started up his car and headed past the city and down the country lanes. No one knew where he was going. He didn't really have a plan either. 

But as he drove, all he could think about was her. 

Every time he went online, he was smacked in the face with the happy couples in the world. It upset him more than it should've. It only reminded him of everything he had with Nya. But what really hurt was seeing how perfect and amazing the internet made relationships look. It was the complete opposite.

All his childhood, Jay had wanted to love someone. He wanted someone to love him too. Romance movies made it look so simple. It was never simple. 

You couldn't just stumble across someone and instantly fall in love. It took time. 

He'd been through a break up too. He knew the pain of being betrayed. 

His younger self wasn't prepared for what he would have to go through in the future. If only he knew...

"Guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me..." 

As he drove along, he sang along to 'Driver's License'. He found it so relaxing and yet so relatable. Singing was something he always loved to do since he was little. He and his mother used to do it all the time together. 

"'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street."

The water in his eyes pricked at his feelings. He couldn't understand his emotions. Suddenly he found himself slamming down the peddle, driving faster and faster, probably past the speed limit.