𝐒𝐔𝐂𝐂𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐅𝐔𝐋 | 𝐁 𝐄

Sᴜᴄᴄᴇssғᴜʟ - 24

bigsean : Me n my ari (Liked by arianagrande, justinbieber and 1,489,722 others)

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Billie's POV

Well... I guess that just proves my point then. Love really doesn't exist.

But that's alright.

I got my hoes and I got my bitches to numb the pain.

"Bil, will you come out of your room please? You've been in there all day." Mom knocked on my door.

Bitch shut up, I'm depressed.

Anyways... I guess I'm done with people in general.

I tried love, that shit didn't work.

I threw myself into my work and became what I am today.

I lost the best years of my life to being abused and I'm wasting the time I have to heal by being the youngest person in the world to own such a big company as Vogue.

I never asked for this shit.

I could've been a normal kid.

I want to be a normal teenager and just hang out with my friends and be able to make mistakes without everyone on my back about it.

But that's just not what the future had planned for me.

I'm numb.

I haven't felt a damn thing since I was twelve.

Ariana made me feel something..

I don't know what... but she did.

I knew I shouldn't have fallen for her.

I fucking knew it.

I break hearts because I'm heartless.

Hurt people because I'm hurt.

But I didn't want to do that to her.

I didn't want to hurt her.

She was right.

I am a pussy.

I'm scared of love and I'm scared of getting hurt again.

Cant believe I let myself fall in love again.

I'm never trying this shit again for as long as I live.

Stupid dumb fucking love.

I'm Billie Eilish O'Connell.

The owner of Vogue.

And no one gives two shits who I am beyond that.

I fucked up by existing in the first place.

My bad for tripping on yet another one of these hoes.

Sex is my way of numbing the pain.

I did that a lot with Ariana.

A little too much.

Goes to show how miserable I was and how scared I was over the fact that my heart was feeling for someone again.

I was gonna fuck up.

And I knew I was.

There's no way I wasn't gonna fuck it up.

I fuck up every relationship I get and it's always my fault.

I take full responsibility for the way I treated Ariana.

But... It would've been nice if she stuck around for a little while longer.

She's got my kid in her tummy.

That's fun I guess.

I sighed and grabbed my phone.

I'm so numb right now it's not even funny.

I wanna be hurt again.

I wanna feel the physical pain.

Just to feel anything would be alright with me.

I want bruises on my face and scars on my wrists.

I wont feel it but it'd be funny look at every morning, wouldn't it?

Yeah... I bet it would.

Fuck love.

All life is, is pain.

It's just more aimed towards me, that's all.

And what's life without a little pain.

You

Can I come over?

quinnslove is typing...

A/N : same quinn, different storyline (if you dont read are you proud of me mommy, this doesn't concern you.)