Heliophilia Review and Edit Shop [CLOSED]

3 - Gwen - The Donut Shop

Author : HurricaneKareena
Reviewed by : _summering_

THE DONUT SHOP

➞ COVER : 10/10

Yay, Donuts! Your book cover is actually cute and perfectly fits the theme and main topic of your story — bright and attention grabbing. Unless they hate donuts? Kidding. There are few, but not too many, colors that blend to make your cover appealing.

➞ TITLE : 9/10

Simplicity is almost always the best because your creative work becomes easier to understand. When it comes to your title, the reader has the idea of what is to come and what they will be expecting in your story. Although creative titles are cool and attention grabbing, it's not that bad to have such simple titles. Well, you just have to do better in the blurb because that's where readers depend the most if they'll try to even lift a page or not.

➞ BLURB : 9/10

It straight to the point addresses the conflict of the story. There are little bit of introduction, kind of a sneak peek, of who the characters are and I am really interested and looking forward to how they are going to save a donut shop from closing down — just enough of something from the plot to pull them in. And what's more? I do expect that they'll be doing something to prevent the shop from closing, but the last part of your blurb interests me. This story looks to be something more than it seems — addressing identity crises, murder mysteries and a life of a student — that surely a lot of us can relate. However, you can edit a tiny bit of words to make it sound better.

Yours is like this:

However, his world turns upside down when he learns that their favorite hang-out spot is closing.

But you can change it to:

However, his world is turned upside-down when he learns that their favorite hang-out spot is closing.

Plus, change murder-mystery into murder mystery. They can only be hyphenated when placed before the noun they modify.

➞ FIRST CHAPTER : 10/10

Ah! What a perfect start. The transition from you left off to the next scene is easy to pick up. I'm actually talking about the part where they are standing before the shop with a sign written in thick bold letters. Then Ethan goes on with his narration a few hours before it happens. Smooth is all I can say. The first chapter also shows what every first chapter should do. It gave us a glimpse of the characters' personality and what kind of relationship they both have to each other.

Not to mention the introduction of the main conflict. You have dropped hints as to how important the shop to Ethan and Tweed. So, their reaction to the shop's closing has a much deeper reason than what everyone thinks. The last sentence 'Sol Bakery is closing' is a good way to end your chapter. It causes a lot of impact to the characters especially that the bakery is more than just a bakery, but a place that holds precious memories.

➞ PLOT, FLOW, AND ORIGINALITY : 14/15

You put a clever touch on your chapter's story title. It adds to the creativity and wittiness of the author. So, this book isn't just about some bake shop going down in business. With how you are able to address some real life issue and incorporate it with your story shows just how much you put a lot of thought to it. And like what I said earlier in the blurb part, it's simple on the surface, but when you go in a little deeper, contains a mixture of plot threads but you will not get lost because of the smooth transitioning.

➞ SETTING AND CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT : 14/15

You put a clever touch on your chapter's story title. It adds to the creativity and wittiness of the author. So, this book isn't just about some bake shop going down in business. With how you are able to address some real life issue and incorporate it with your story shows just how much you put a lot of thought to it. And like what I said earlier in the blurb part, it's simple on the surface, but when you go in a little deeper, contains a mixture of plot threads but you will not get lost because of the smooth transitioning.

➞ GRAMMAR, SPELLING, AND VOCABULARY : 14/15

The grammar, spelling and writing style deserve to be applauded. Your words are simple and easy to understand, but can manage to construct clean sentences. Your vocabulary is amazing, but still you made sure that they are easy to understand especially to readers who do not know much about deeper English. You've done a great job proofreading and editing your story. Though, some sentences appeared to be wordy and you may consider rephrasing it a bit.

➞ READER'S ENJOYMENT : 15/15

I like your story. It is enjoyable and a very nice plot with colorful and wonderful characters. It's good to read something that makes you relieve precious moments with friends. It's like going through a replay and relieving memories you've made with your friends.

➞ OTHER COMMENTS

I'm looking forward to the sequel. I was supposed to read only 10 chapters but I got hooked that I ended up reading the whole thing. I enjoyed seeing the characters grow closer as they battle different hardships. This is another story I'd recommend to others!!!

TOTAL : 95/100