Unravel // Van McCann

14. Forgiven

I laid flat on my back staring at the ceiling. Sleeping on the ground was more comfortable than the couch but the floor was hard, and the blanket under me wasn't enough padding. After our exchange, we continued eating dinner and had to reheat our food since it had gone cold. I was still embarrassed about the events from earlier so I had more glasses of wine to erase that memory from my brain. Unfortunately, it didn't work because it kept me up at night, hence why I'm still awake.

I wasn't sure what time it was but it was still early in the morning. The birds weren't chirping and it was still dark out. The night was still; all I could hear was my breathing. I was starting to get sober and my head was clear enough to form coherent thoughts. Waking up in the middle of the night is the worst, especially when you can't go back to sleep. It's also the time my brain is most active. Without any distractions, it's free to think and worry all it wants. Fuck, I just want to sleep! I groaned and rolled to my side which was less comfortable so I rolled onto my back once again, sighing in defeat. It's no use. I'm not sleeping tonight.

I sat up and made my way to the toilet. After I was done, I contemplated having a smoke but stopped myself. Smoking out of boredom was a bad habit of mine so I decided to sit outside in the cool night air. It was chilly and I wish I brought a blanket with me. I rubbed my arms for warmth and looked down at the street below. Not a single living thing stirred. Even the trees were still.

It was at this time that I started questioning everything. What I was doing and where I wanted to go. I was working on a case that was officially closed but couldn't bring myself to stop. That's what I hate about my curiosity and stubbornness. I couldn't figure out why I wanted to know the answer. Why did I care for the reason she was hiding? We're strangers and know nothing about each other. Was it really curiosity or was it something else? Christ, I'm obsessed, aren't I?

That tends to happen when I get a case. It consumes my life and that's all I think about. There's something satisfying about getting an answer, and the fact I didn't get one bothered me, thus sending my brain in overdrive. That's why I'm working on this case even though I don't need to. I need an answer, and once I get it, it will be out of my system.

I was getting sloppy and careless at work. Cam assigned me the Melbourne cheating case and normally I finish those cases quickly, but this time I was distracted. My mind was elsewhere when I needed to focus on the task at hand. I hoped it didn't set me back. I had garnered a good reputation at work and didn't want this slip up to set me back. I don't think it'd actually happen but that didn't stop me from worrying, as usual. I was getting cold so I stepped back in, closing the door.

"Can't sleep, can you?"

I froze for a brief second and turned around.

"Did I wake you?" I questioned. I tried to recall if I made too much noise but didn't think I did. She shook her head.

"No. I had to go to the bathroom and saw that you were gone," she answered. Her eyes wandered to my makeshift bed on the ground. "You're sleeping on the ground?" I ran my hand through my hair. She felt guilty and didn't have to.

"It's more comfortable than the couch," I lied.

Actually, that wasn't a lie. The floor is more comfortable but nothing beats my bed. She stayed silent. We already went back and forth about who'd sleep in the bed. She fought hard but luckily gave up because I was more stubborn than she was. I didn't want to have this argument again.

"If it's not comfortable, just tell me. I honestly don't mind switching. I've slept on the ground before and am used to it."

There it was again. The guilt I felt whenever she revealed information like that. Yet going back to her parents was a lot worse. She's better off "dead." This only made me more curious. I could go on, asking her questions nonstop. Whether she'll answer or not is a different question. I opened my mouth to speak but thought against it. We both need to sleep.