Crux Year

Chapter Fourteen - Shay

I'm numb.

It's supposed to be the most exciting day of my life and all I can think about is Royal.

I have no idea if he's okay or if his dad hit him. I don't know the status on Morgan. And, since it's Crux ceremony day, there wasn't school, so I haven't even seen him to be able to ask. It's taking everything in me all day not to walk over to his house to check on him.

But, I did manage.

I managed to smile for my dads through pictures and gifts and an extravagant dinner Froddy made. I held it together while dressing in my new suit. I didn't lose it not once. Dr. Browning might even be proud at the handle I have on my anxiety right now all things considered.

"Do you have any ideas of who your match will be?" Dad Spencer asks from the front seat of the car, his voice light and cheery.

I bite my tongue to keep from saying anything regrettable. What I want to do is demand to know about what we learned at the reproduction facility. To ask how much they paid and why they paid it to have me genetically washed with someone else. So many questions in my head but I wrangle each of them to keep them from escaping.

"Maybe Royal Ever," I murmur. "I guess we'll see."

I watch Dad Oliver's profile while he drives, waiting for a telling tick of his jaw or tension in his shoulders. Nothing. Just an easy, relaxed smile.

What would they do if they knew I've been sneaking around? Or that I already know who my match is because I've seen the list and even tried to change it to no avail? Would they smack me around like Royal's dad does him?

I can't imagine a life where either of my dads would physically harm me. It makes my chest hurt even more for Royal.

The drive to the stadium is uneventful. It's a cool early evening, the sunset coloring the sky orange and pink just beyond the mountains as twinkling twilight chases it away. People are everywhere, bustling about with excitement to learn this Crux Year's matches. I scan the crowd looking for Royal. If I could just see him and be reassured he was okay, I might not feel so sick to my stomach.

"Shay!"

Someone with red-orange hair waves wildly. Trace. He bounds over to me, nearly knocking me over with a hug. "I'm dying to know my match. It's torture waiting."

We break apart and I force a smile for him. I don't want to be the one to break the news to him who his match is. It's not my place.

"We'll find a place to sit," Dad Spencer says with a grin. "You boys better get where you're supposed to be before the ceremony starts."

Trace loops his arm in mine, guiding me away from my dads. He leans in and whispers, "What's going on with you? You don't seem like your normal nervous self. Are you sick? You going to blow chunks up on stage?"

I grimace at that visual. "I'm fine. Have you seen Royal?"

"No, but oh my God, everyone looks so hot. Even you, Arden. I could totally be your boyfriend right now."

This makes me laugh. "We're not even close to being compatible."

"Maybe they let us take pre-birth baths together," he teases, though his voice sounds a little tight. "That's really gross, man."

"Right?" I let out a huff. "It's so weird."

Weird is an understatement. It feels like a violation of some sort. Before I have time to ponder it much more, I see him.