I Dont Think I Could Stand To Be Where You Dont See Me [WMMAP, OC-Insert]

She cursed

It's a bit odd that I'm addressing this but, no, i don't take any pleasure in torturing children. I don't think I have shitty morals or any sadistic tendencies....I think.

♤

Dear, someone grey;

I resent good people.

How can they just smile so sweetly and treat every single person with the same unconditional kindness? Why can't they prioritize the important things first? Why should they sacrifice themselves for the good of others?

I hate them, I hate how they make everyone adore them. I hate that they're the poor Cinderella that is the victim of everyone's abuse. I hate that they are the opposite of the murky, murky grey, they are the sun that gently heals your wounds.

I hate how they could never be selfish for the death of them.

And I hate how much I love them.

Irrelevant ranting from Shkïr, a person who was before you mother.

...............

To one that is desperate;

'What i regret the most is that I won't be able to see you grow up into a respectable adult' is that what you hope to hear from me, Eros?

'I love you so much, my son. I would do anything for you, even die.' Well, My precious childe, it is unfortunate that I differ.

Nyx Noxlucis, a cruel, cruel person.

...........

To you, a child, a horribly taught child;

Sometimes, I wonder how we would be if we were not of royalty.

If Claude was raised lovingly.

If I was normal.

And if you were not tragic.

Ah, but perhaps I should blame myself for I could've pretended.

Nyx, your supposed mom.

"I am disappointed in you, your highness."

Claude's head snapped towards the sound of her voice, he flinched when he saw the cold look in her eyes. And Nyx narrowed her eyes at the stinging sight of a slap on his cheek.

"Why should you allow her to hit you like this?" Nyx asked, but didn't step closer.

"Because, " Claude said silently. "She's the Empress and Athanasius' mother."

Athanasius' mother, the lady heartbroken and turned insane with the news of Claude's birth by another woman.

Without warning, Nyx laughed loudly, hysterically. "Oh, Gods, Claude. You are of Royal Obelia blood, the second in line to the throne." She shook her head amusingly. "Whist she? A crazy woman with the title of Queen."

"The pot calls the kettle black," Claude managed, receiving a roll of her eyes.

"Dear Claude, I am not a crazy woman. I am completely sane in all of my decisions."

A pause, and Claude said sternly, "even the choice of being dead as fast as you could?"

Her answer: "Suicide is not a crime."

■□■□■

<Writer: this is a disclaimer that this part will include child abuse, not allowing one to eat particularly.>

{Lesson: the feeling of starvation}

The clicking of elegant feet in heels alerted the young child of his mother nearing his door as he looked up and was met with a cold smile and deep blue eyes.

[47 hours ago]

"Mother, is it time for breakfast yet? I'm hungry. "whined the prince to his mother.

Nyx blinked and smiled. "Hunger, you say?" She leaned closer to him, scaring him a bit. "What makes you hungry, my prince?"

Eros stiffened. "An empty stomach that causes pain?"

She laughed. "Perhaps." She opened her hand and Eros placed his on it. "It will benefit you to experience starvation."

[PRESENT]

"Tell me, Eros how does it feel to not eat and drink for more than a day in this cold room?"

It feels horrible. His body had no strength, no food to burn. His throat sore and dry in yearning for the comfort of liquid to cloth his thirst. His hands shook in weakness.

But Eros weakly managed: "I feel a strong urge to eat something, anything. And it's extremely painful. "

"Hmm," Nyx hummed. "Painful, huh?" A small glow shimmered on her hand and a basket appeared in her hold. She brought out a sandwich that Eros immediately took.

Watching him devour it hungrily, she said, "Remember this well, Eros, hundreds of people in your country live like this many times worse and much, much longer than you."

When Eros finished, he nodded as Nyx ordered, "fix it." She harshly pulled him by the arm. "Fix the suffering, Fix this unfair world to your subjects. Just because your good-for-nothing tyrant uncle is 'dead' doesn't mean everything is instantly perfect and good."

Eros winced as her hold tightened. "Al-alright, I will."he promised and Nyx let go.

"Prove it."

□■□■□

"What should I do?"

What should I do now that she's gone?

Eros felt tears commit treason by letting themselves spill from his eye sockets. Mother was, mother was everything she was the only thing he knew. Eros didn't care about the crown, but for her will, he did everything so he had it. He didn't think he cared about the emperor, his biological father.

He stepped into the room where she took her last breath. Eros could still taste the toxicating smell of potions and chemical medicine they tried to heal her.

But he knew, he knew from the way she smiled at him, they could have done the hardest healing spell casted and she still would've gone.

The trace of her hands on his shoulders were unforgettable. The loud whispers of her confession rang around his skull: "just right before you were born, my Eros, I cursed myself to die." His face of horror amused her as coughed up red and collapsed in front of him. He could only stand there in shock.

He didn't bother to shake away his tiring thoughts, since it was memories of Mother, as he went to stare at the empty space where she used to rest.

He remembered what her excuse was to die - 'declining health', she told them. Lied to them in front him.

Oh, how he wanted to scream and yell at them that she was lying, that they should've tried to erase away her curse. But that would upset Mother.

"You're more mature that you should be at your age." She told him, but she didn't seem bothered by it.

And he closed the door of Nyx's bedroom and entered the room where he hid most of the things she left me. As always, he was greeted by a messed up stack of books and destruction and letters, but he almost smiled when his sight saw the rows and rows of moving images of Mother along the walls on the tables, but never on the floor. There were so many portraits and manastones filled with her memory that it should be called obsession, but he was her son. A son is allowed to be obsessed with his dead mother.

He failed to touch her hand as his fingers slipped past the holographic image, it shimmering before returning to place, and he sighed.

He misses her, he misses his mom very, very much.

He leaned against the wall, slowly getting closer to meeting the harsh, cold floor. He hugged himself, head buried into his knees.

He should've chosen to be comforted by Diana.

□■□■□

The week after her death, and his isolation.

"Your highness, " Ashlyn Esperanza called from outside his door, trying to sound as soft as possible. "You highness, please let me enter, you need to eat. "

She could not see, but she thought Eros would be shaking his head as he said, "I don't want to eat, I want mother."

He knew he was being selfish, that he was acting like a child. But he was, so shouldn't he be allowed to? Eros thought, sniffing his tears back in.

Dame Esperanza sighed softly, pained as well. "Nyx has gone away, Your highness. It is impossible to return her to you."

"...I know,"

And he opened the door.

"I'm sorry."

Eros already knew death is final for the ones left behind.