I Dont Think I Could Stand To Be Where You Dont See Me [WMMAP, OC-Insert]

The last words of a shooting star

I inquire of this, of you that is so young, yet had put up with the cruelest person in your world;
 
Will you survive?
 
Will you still stand after all that's done?
 
A necessary question from 김 아영, a person who was before your mother.

……………...
 

To one that will wish to die;
 
I hate the universe so much, Eros.
 
I despise how it forces us to live over and over and over again.
 
I hate how things exist.
 
Why can’t everything just die?
 
Relatable, depressing sentences from Louisana, a person who was before your mother.

……………...

To one that will inherent the title of Obelia's sun;
 
The cosmo is an exercise of uneven balance. 
 
The Stars, which man had spread to be of tiny shining constellations that complimented and is embraced by the cold of space.
 
The Sun, which is a star so small it is the closest to the planet which you live. 
 
The Moon, which was thought of the opposite, the contrast, the comforting glow compared to the blinding blaze of the sun, is only a reflection, a being gravitated to the planet.
 
But, I am sure you've thought of the night, the sky, the shadow, the air, Nyx is of most importance of them all.
 
Assumtions and truth from Estelle, a person who was before eyour mother.
 

……………...

Happiness. 
 
Eros wondered if that was the blissful emotion he felt in this moment. He smiled genuinely. laughed even. Though,
 
He placed his ear on Diana's swollen stomach, hearing a small heart beat, feeling the oh-so powerful mana that's—
 
I hope this tiny life is worth her mother's, Eros thought, as he felt hot defeated tears spill from his eyes sockets.
 
 

□■□■□
 

 
Diana knew that Claude was already of child, a son from another woman, but that was of expected, he was the emperor after all. The prince, a child that just lost his mother was, in Diana's eyes, empty, hollow, as though one had just lost its purpose and is just living for the sake of it. Blank jeweled eyes reading a book alone in that large garden on a single couch. Diana, kind and gracious, didn't want him to stay empty. So she smiled and giggled as she joked to him. And the boy's mouth twitched as he turned away. 
 
(Was he so afraid of showing his clear emotions that he'd rather averted entirely?)
 
Diana kept visiting since then, accompanying him in his loneliness.
 
Diana heard rumors:
 
"Poor child, his mother didn't even love him till her death." 
 
She frowned.
 
"I heard the late Marchioness forced him to learn the education of a scholar at three years old!" 
 
It was upsetting, of course, for Diana to hear such things of the poor Child's life. It wasn't as if – for her, a woman that lives in a world – she expected the life of a prince to be overfilled with happiness and perfection, but still, Diana held something for the little prince.
 
("Everything will be alright with you," his father pleaded, "so stay–" and Diana shook her head.)
 
The Obelian sky seemed to hold some type of pity for the soon to be alone prince below it. Its usual brilliant blue is painted almost perfectly for Eros' mood, or, more precisely, his reaction to the look of sadness and expectation in the woman's red eyes in front of him, holding her stomach so tragically that Eros wanted to puke and sob forever.
 
At that moment, noon in its prime, Eros realized he much preferred the cold midnight. It has the moon and calming darkness that…. 
 
Moon and night. hah. An irritating joke, that's what Eros' life is. His mother figures, the goddess of the night and the goddess of the sun. One shines the darkness and the other is the personification of the dark, dark night sky.
 
In this stupid garden of his, the one where he first met this lovely existence, he heard:
 
"I want you to protect her," Diana said genuinely. 
 
"I–" 
 
For Diana, for her last wish–
 
Eros gritted his teeth and forced himself to smile. 
 
"Of course, I will. Athanasia will be my precious little sister." 
 
And the tears rolling down his cheeks were left unacknowledged.
 
I don't want to protect her if you're gone, Diana.
 
But of course, he'll care for Athanasia, of course, he'll protect her no matter what.
 
The sad little boy found himself on the grass floor, knees could not bear and collapsed, and he looked up to a face full of apologies with no regret.
 
"I love you so much, Eros."
 
Hahaha. Eros stops himself from laughing hysterically but smiled and his tears flowed like stupidly thick raindrops. 
 
"Thank you so much, Diana."
 
For showing him kindness. For giving him care. For saying those meaningless yet meant so much to Eros to him.
 
It seems as though he isn't blessed with the emotions of satisfaction and fulfillment when he finally heard the sentence that he oh-so wished for.
 
It's painful. 
 
And yet...
 
Eros would rather experience this pain for eternity than feel numb like his mother and father.
 
If mother is the night, and Diana is the moon, am I one of the useless stars that will perish after an eternity?
 
It would be nice if all of the stars could just burst into a supernova.

...

The day after, Eros gave his knight, Dame Esperanza, a scroll of names and portraits of the members of the emperor’s harem to be sent away, to somewhere quiet and safe.
 
Ashlyn looked down at her prince and was frustrated at how she couldn’t figure out his emotions from his mana. (unlike Nyx, unlike anything else) And she asked pointlessly, "Your highness, how do you do feel?
 
"I feel terrible." his blank jeweled eyes and numb expression told her nothing for the sort.
 
But Ashlyn simply bows and retreated away to carry on his orders before the expected time of Diana’s labor.  
 
For Eros, for the son that will lose another….
 
He looked up to the dimly bright moonlight.
 
He wonders if he was allowed to follow where his mother is and Diana will be.
 
He wonders if this what his mother had always sought for.
 

■■■■■

"My... Lady?" Ashlyn said with caution when Lady Nyx suddenly pulled away and fixed a distracted yet not distant expression, and Ashlyn was left bare in loose Noxlucis knight uniform with unfinished 'love-bites' on her body.
 
The woman in silk undergarments placed her index finger on her lips without glancing at Ashlyn. "Hush, Now, Ashlyn," Nyx quieted softly and stepped to the door. She curiously positioned her ear to the door, although it wasn't necessary. An amused smile found itself onto her flushed lips. "It seems a little chick is trying to find her mother." She simply said, swinging open the doors.
 
A tiny prince gasped, two equally tiny hands covered his mouth. It was an adorable sight, to both Nyx and Ashlyn. But the ladies didn't show it, and Ashlyn hurried to adjust her clothes so as not to be too obvious that she was near doing nightly deities with his mother, standing from the bed. 
 
"M- Mother!" Eros exclaimed, and glanced at Ashlyn right behind her. "I was looking for you, you and Dame Ashlyn weren't in your bedroom nor your office." 
 
Nyx smiled, brought her son inside, and closed the doors. "And why were you looking for me at an hour so late at night, Your Highness?"
 
The little boy froze; he cannot afford to look sheepish. "I wanted you to hold my hand till I fall asleep. "
 
Selfish. Childish. But clearly said, and Nyx averted her eyes for a whim of a young royal heir.

…

Nys caressed her son's hair, his head gently placed on top of her lap. "Tell me, Eros," he looks up, blinking two-year-old eyes curiously. "Do you hold any hate for me?" 
 
Eros frowned. "No." 
 
She laughed and smiled, but her eyes would have sadly revealed amusement and regret. "I wish you could." 
 
It is better to loathe than to love.