I Dont Think I Could Stand To Be Where You Dont See Me [WMMAP, OC-Insert]

For the absence of love in a Mother [a bonus maybe]

Something very short I wrote after reading a story about a death of a mortal goddess. 《Guizhong》

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"I love you," her eyelids slightly lifted, she slipped. "I, love, you." She said, once more. Her eyes softened as she watched her son breathe. "Eros, I love-"

Nyx did not love her son.

Fact it is she tried.

She tried when she faked a laugh masked as a cough when her son would gargle in his sleep. Only for her amusement (?) To fade a moment later. She couldn't even sigh away to moonlig to sleep and hope for tomorrow. She couldn't, of course she couldn't. 

She felt nothing for her son.

But Nyx tried again. She tried because maybe, in this way of death she could at least be pleased with something she brought.

Her son was still young, only just able to walk. But she couldn't help but nitpick his every move. How he falls and seemed stuck on not standing up again. How he fails and expects her to praise him. How he was so, so expectant of her to be a mother.

How he thinks of her as his mother.

And as his mother, Nyx-

She couldn't love him.

So she tried to just teach him How. 

How to survive in nobility. How to live as a perfect heir and princes how to not even hope that having a ruler as a figure in his life. How to defend himself physically and verbally. How to survive hunger. How to survive in poverty. How, how, how.

And if she answered so few of his Whys, then so be it.

Feeling acknowledged and listened mattered little in comparison to being used to a position that everyone leaves assumptions. Nyx knows he will need to have a thick head.

And she taught and taught him everything he could and should know.

But should've he known his mother hadn't loved him ?

'Should've I lied…?' Nyx ponders, experiencing dying once again. Her weak eardrums barely hears the footsteps her little prince leaves behind.

Her head turns and she caught sight of something that could shatter anyone's heart. Anyone that has a heart still, anyway.

Nyx smiles, it fails to look wicked for the girl who thinks of her as a lover. 

'Hah..' she closes her eyes at a sharp pain in her chest. She knew it all too well.

"...my lady," 

Nyx didn't try to find the strength to chuckled. She mouthed these words slowly:

"Eros is such a pitiful child."

Panicked healers began hurried movements at the same moment a knight gripped her mistress' limp hand. The knight wishes to cry.

Nyx did not fool her son into thinking she loved him.

She knew another will love him far more than she could ever, even if she was-

Normal.