Living Without Dreams

Chapter 21 - Renewal and Recovery

Greg was waiting for Susan in one of the recliners in front of the TV while she put the children to bed, though the television itself was off by the time she returned.

"Are you ready for bed?" he asked.

Susan smiled tiredly. "I am. Are you?"

"That depends. How are you Susan?" he asked.

"Is that the nightly question now?" Susan mused as he got to his feet. "Come on, Greg. We can talk about the answer on our way upstairs."

"It is the nightly question," he confirmed rising as together they began to climb the stairs. "Because it has become our way of checking in with one another, our way of confirming for ourselves the health of one another and our relationship." Greg considered his wife's doubtful expression after a few steps. "It is not a bad question, Susan."

"I suppose not. It's just that when Michael used to ask me that it translated roughly into 'are you ready for sex'. I've been trying to tell myself that's not what you mean when you ask that ... but in some ways it is, isn't it?" she asked.

"Not precisely.  While as your husband I am of course interested in your readiness and desire for sex, that is not all I am interested in ... and I am aware that when you ask that question of me, your interest is in all aspects of my being: physical, sexual, mental, emotional, and spiritual. You may rest assured my interest in you when I ask the question is just as broad," he told her.

"I see," Susan said as they reached the top and walked along the open hallway that led to the loft and their bedroom. "So what specifically was it you are interested in knowing tonight? It is Tuesday, like we discussed ... relatively late on Tuesday. It will be midnight in another couple of hours."

"Irrelevant since the reason for our abstinence is medical rather than religious or spiritual," he told her. "What should guide our actions and behavior tonight is how you are feeling."

Susan said nothing as they crossed the loft and entered their bedroom. Greg made his way in the dark across the room to turn on the floor lamp as Susan hesitated in the doorway.

"What do you think of the chair?" she asked, changing the subject.

Greg turned to look at the chair then surveyed their room as a whole. They had their made bed with no headboard, visible frame or other surrounding furnishings, boxes for nightstands, the floor lamp beside that, and the one upholstered chair.

"I think it's slowly getting better," he said.

"The chair?" Susan asked.

"The bedroom. I like the chair, Susan. That goes without saying. I'm the one who thought we needed it and bought it," he reminded her as he sat down in it.

"I know, but what do you think, now that it is here?"

"I think it is not a recliner or a futon. It will be an excellent chair to sit in and read, but it doesn't fulfill those other needs," he observed as he looked at her.

"No, but I don't think we need a recliner or a futon tonight," Susan told him.

"Are you sure? Are you healed Susan?"

Susan hesitated. "I ... I don't know, Greg. What I do know is I don't want you sleeping on a futon or in a chair tonight. I doubt it's necessary. You seem much more relaxed tonight."

"I am at peace with myself and the Lord," Greg confirmed. "However I would not extend that spiritual state quite so far as to say I am physically relaxed. My overt sexual interest in you hasn't waned, it only that it is currently more or less controlled."