𝐥𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐚𝐳𝐞 - poetry

double agent

it's easier to hide my tears behind a glowing screen

you make me scream

how calm do i seem

frantically wiping my eyes before my next reply

somehow i got stuck playing spy

a double agent for both of you

arranging this delicate game of emotional tetris

one wrong move and it crumbles on my watch

but what if it all crumbles into my lap?

is it so wrong to admit the human temptation

to intentionally lead you astray

so that she won't stay

so that i don't have to play

this stupid game anymore

and maybe i can just be happy

maybe we can all just be happy

but could you ever be happy with me

because i know i'm not what i seem

i'm ripping at the seams

living in a made up world of dreams

i'm not the right sort of girl for you

so i throw myself into the things i love

or the things that are there

they give me a reason to care

or at least something else to care about

keeping good grades if it's the death of me

writing until my eyes are so heavy i can barely see

playing piano until my fingers bleed

would you like me more if i was more like you

i'm daring to hope that's true

because otherwise

i don't know what to do