The Saint

THIRTY - FIVE

Victoria...

I keep thinking that maybe Charles and Aurora aren't really FBI. What if they're photographers?!

I mean, I saw them hand over a picture of a woman to Aaron, and they travel for weeks at a time. I just now got the news that were going to Washington. Wow.

"So, were going all the way across the US?" I asked, packing Jean's and socks into a small suitcase, "again?"

"Aren't you lucky?" Logan said slyly.

I hummed back in response and finished packing. I moved the suitcase up to the bed and left it there.

"So, I see your finally coming out of your bat cave." He joked as I followed him out of the room.

"Well, were going to be living together. The least I can do is join you guys for dinner." I smiled.

He chuckled lightly as we approached the kitchen and dining room.

Jacob was leaning against the frame, and Liam was sitting, resting his head on the table. Both Noah and Ethan were getting the plates out, and David was on his phone. Aaron was no where to be seen.

"Oh, Victoria!" David announced, and all heads turned.

"Hey, come sit by me." Liam called.

I walked slowly across the tiled floor. I could remember it so clearly, as if the blood never went away. I had rushed out of the room to help at the sound of glass breaking, but Logan and Liam had stopped me.

I managed to get passed them, and I saw the dark red blotch.

"You couldn't have done anything, Tori." A deep voice called from above me. I didn't realize I was standing right where the puddle was.

I slowly looked up, hoping, to see Charles's kind eyes and smile that had called me by my nickname. But I was met with a different ocean.

They were kind aswell, but not the same.

"I know." I said softly, and forced a light smile on my lips.

"Are you hungry for chicken?" Aaron asked as he took a seat next to me. I was sitting by Liam and Logan in front of me.

The rest of the boys filled in the seats quite swiftly.

"I don't think I've ever had this." I smiled, staring at the juicy chicken in front of me. "Ethan, where did you learn to cook like this?"

There was a small silence that made me think for a moment, that I had said something wrong. Again.

But I looked over to Ethan, and he smiled wholeheartedly.

"I just picked it up over the years." He said.

I nodded and my smile dropped.

I no longer had the feeling I had when I saw them all looking hungrily and silly at the food. Their childlike, family-like mood... I didn't feel that.

I chewed the food, every swallow, my senses amplifying what I felt around me. I could sense eyes on me as I ate. The only thing I didn't know was the intention.

Their light chatter and laughter were muffled out as I began to create a bubble around me. I felt excluded, alone, even while I had people all around me.

"Lizzy, could you pass me a lime?"

Metal fell on glass, creating an TINK, that echoed around the room. I lifted my head from the plate, and stared at David. Everyone else followed my move.

"Shit." He whispered and made a fist.

I dropped my fork and napkin, still while keeping my eyes on him, and I scooted farther from the table. Every bone and fiber in my body was telling me to sit down, to pick up my fork and eat like it meant nothing.

But it meant so much.

"I'm sorry I keep doing this to you." I whispered, feeling my lip wobble and eyes sting.

Tears werent here yet but they were on their way.

"I trust you guys with half of my life. You saved me, but you dont deserve this punishment." I said, feeling my chest tighten at the feeling swarming around in me.

"Victoria, I didn't mean it -"

"It's okay, David." I shushed him, "I understand, really. Your not over her death, I wouldn't be. But I am not her.

"Seeing me as her, it will hurt so much more than letting go."

"She's right." Liam whispered, keeping his gaze on the plate.

"What?" Jacob asked, his voice at the edge of the glass.

"I said she's right!" He boomed, sending everyone back in shock. "Weve been thinking about Elizabeth even more since she came into our lives! It's not going to help if we keep her image in out heads."

"So your saying that if we get rid of her, it'll help, right?" Jacob said sarcastically, but it didn't feel like a joke.

"Jacob!" Both Aaron's and Ethan's voice mixed into a roar.

I couldn't take it. I couldn't take the look Jacob was giving me, or the fact that Aaron and Ethan stood up for me, even though their hearts were surely on the other side.

I didn't want to be right. Not anymore.

I rushed out of the dining room, hearing no callings of my name like I had somehow hoped I would hear. Only the pitter patter of my feet.

I didn't rush to the room like most would have done, no, I went outside. The thick doors opened, and that's when I heard tha calls and shouts of my name. They didn't deserve it, none of it. I didn't get to treat them like this, I didn't. But I needed more than just space alone.

Walking on the ground, with only socks on, I felt alive.

I could hear their voices becoming smaller, irrelevant to what I needed. I kept walking, my feet talking me around the neighborhood and farther.

I came to the realization, when I was walking and marking down every white house, that my life with Charles and the Cruz, arent that different from when I was with Dan.

They dont beat me, that's true, but my life now is so alike from what I had only a few weeks ago. I think. I dont know how long it's been.

I'm inside almost all the time. I only go with them when they allow it. I have rules with the price of death to pay if I break them.

Just like Dan.

It's just that the rules now are a little bent.

I made it to some sort of a park, not the one with play areas for kids, just grass and trees. I looked around at the fluorescent green, the way it moved with the breeze. I took my chance and laid down under a thick tree.

Half of my body was covered in the shade, and the rest was feeling the warm sun.

I closed my eyes, breathed in and out of my mouth like the air was made of gold, and I wanted it all.

My skin feeling tickles from grass, my legs feeling warm and my face feeling fresh under the shade. I've longed for this feeling. Or, something like it. I think I used to feel this way. Once, maybe?

Yeah, I think I did.

And maybe I can get back there.

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