Unpredictable Match 2

Thirty Eight

vote and comment 💖💖💖 most of all, enjoy!! 🎅🏿🎄

this chapter is long so i hope this is a good start to ur week!

⚠️there's also lot of pov changes, and they will be marked w this symbol: ‼️

enjoy and sorry for mistakes. i rlly was not bout to check this one i'm sorry 💀

‼️Ant POV‼️

"The infamous list, it's finally here."

The therapist grabs the list from me, then I help myself to a seat. I been supposed to bring her that list of things that make me happy besides my family, but each session I ain't have nothing to put down. She wanted me to come up with at least five things, and that shit took mad long for no reason.

She sits down. "Okay, let's check in first. How you feeling today?"

I'm so used to saying some negative shit, because it's usually how I feel given all the things I have to deal with in a day. But today, I can actually switch it up. "I'm good." I say. The therapist smiles at me. I know she noticed that my answer changed, but she doesn't make it a big deal. She just nods and writes something down.

She holds up the list. "Okay, Anthony Jackson. What are five things that make you happy?:
1) Drawing
2) Tattoos
3) Relaxing
4) Smoking
5) Learning"

She reads it out loud, and then reads it over and over again. "So these make you happy?" She questions.

"Yeah." This bitch better not drag it out. I said it makes me happy so that's it. Do she know how long this took me to come up with.

"What qualifications have to be met in order for something to make you happy?" I don't know what I wrote so wrong that's making this lead into a whole thing.

"Ion know. Things that make me feel better. What's wrong with what I wrote?" I read that list over a couple times before deciding to give it to her, just for her to be sitting here all hesitant.

The therapist sighs, and then sets the paper down. "No, nothing is wrong with what you wrote. Happiness is not a monolith. There are different ways to be happy, which is why I wanted your definition. It's wonderful you mentioned drawing and tattooing. That's a hobby you picked up in your lowest moments, and that has positively kept you entertained and busy. With your fast paced life, relaxing definitely is a good one. We're going to elaborate on learning in a moment because I feel like that one isn't as obvious, but it's great that you mentioned it. But, number four—can you explain how smoking makes you happy?"

How smoking makes me happy...? That one I just wrote down because I know it's the only consistent thing I really do, and I know Im not gonna actively do something that makes me mad, so I put smoking down. "Because it calms me down, and I guess I'm happier when I'm calm."

The therapist shakes her head in disagreement. "You live your whole entire life under the influence of Marijuana. You feel calm because it's now your default state of existence. You panic when you get too sober because you aren't used to it. I know happiness is personal, but smoking weed does not make you happy. It keeps you temporarily grounded when you feel like you're getting anxious. If that was the case, you wouldn't be in therapy right now. You'd be the happiest man alive. Do you understand that?"

"Yeah." I say. I guess she's right. But that list was so hard to make that I didn't have time to make shit deep. All I know is when I smoke, I feel better so I wrote it down. Of course it doesn't change the fact that I got a problem, but it's my truth.