Unpredictable Match 2

Forty One

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⚠️trigger warning:⚠️

we've touched base on the topic of mental health before, but this chapter dives heavily into it, so read when you're in the right headspace to.

enjoy!

Cam POV

Five months.

It has been five months since Anthony has come to visit home. It's been five months of crying, fighting, and crappy excuses on his end. It's unbelievable. And depressing. And all around, a difficult situation. I still can't believe he willingly stayed away that long. I try not to think about it too much because of how lightheaded I feel every time I do.

We talk on the phone, maybe once every two or three days, but we usually text—and we don't even do that much. We barely even FaceTime anymore. And each time we do speak whether it be on FaceTime or just a regular call, the conversation got shorter and shorter each time. I'd give Anthony one word answers as he tries to apologize for whatever it is that he said to me. Or he'd give me one word answers when I'd actually be trying to have a conversation. Or I'd just call in to check on Aj, or he'd call in to check on Taleah and the pregnancy. And then that's it. But, I can't remember the last time we had a conversation just to talk to each other, and just to be in love, and as hard as being apart from each other is, we haven't even spoke about the anticipation to see each other.

I used to ask him all the time when he was planning on coming home to see us. All he'd do is beat around the bush, and then change the topic. I think I stopped asking about two months ago. Every time he'd have an excuse, I'd cry. And I was tired of crying all the time, even though I still cry every single day. But, it helps to not get my hopes up. This is exactly why I didn't want him to leave in the first place.

But, it's the first week of July. The kids are out of school. And I put my foot down during our last phone call and told him he's bringing my son home for a week. I didn't say for the Summer, because I've heard positive things about friends Aj has in Virginia, and I don't want to take him away from that just to be in an environment that is not stimulating for him. But, I do want to see him for a week at least, and then they can go back if they want. I want to see Anthony too, of course. But I can't help but to feel awkward at the thought of facing him today. Our relationship is very unstable and weird right now. Ever since he got up and left once that news of the floating bodies came out, things haven't been the same.

And don't get me started on this pregnancy with him gone. I'm always tired. I'm always in pain. I feel ten times worse than I did when I was pregnant with the twins. I have an anxiety attack every single night unless I'm laying at this weird angle with my hand kind of on my belly. With an arm with limited mobility, doing anything for myself is kind of hard as well. When I was pregnant with the twins, I had two working hands and Anthony around to help me out with the tasks that were too difficult. Things are so different this time around. I really rely on Tyler and Taleah to help me do certain things, but  others I'm forced to do on my own. Zaniyah would help me if she could, but she's just as pregnant as I am.

That's one thing that has been pretty decent though, having somebody around who's pregnant as well. We always want to do the same thing at the same time. Whether it's eat something we're craving (and we'd usually crave the same things), or cry together, or cuddle—which is kind of hard considering the physical barrier we both carry. But anyways, it's been great having someone to relate to, and I'm sure she can say the same. We even go to doctors appointments together sometimes.