INAMORATA || 18+

23| open

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Hudson holds me for what seems like forever as I silently sob into his shirt. Even after all that, all I can think is that I hope he doesn't mind that he's going to have a giant wet spot on his top. I promised myself that whenever I told this story, I wouldn't cry. I can't help it though, it's not even out of sadness. I feel so relieved to have finally told someone what happened, and the fact that he wasn't repulsed by me was pure bliss. I'm so happy I let him in. I don't remember the first time I was this close to another person, and it feels so fucking good. For once, being vulnerable has rewarded me. Maybe opening my heart isn't so bad after all.

I pull back and he stares me in the eyes, "I promise you, that I'll do everything I can to prevent that from ever happening again."

Although the sentiment is nice, and I am going to try and open my heart, that doesn't mean the pessimist in me has died. I just smile and shake my head. "How are you gonna protect me if you're all the way in Chicago?"

"Come back to Chicago with me," he blurts out. I think we're both a little taken aback by his words, cause he looks confused that he even said that. "I-I mean, only if you want to. We could find a place for you, or Em said she was looking for a roommate, you can go with her, but only if you want to."

I don't know why, but something just hits me at this moment. Don't ask me what it is, because I have no idea. But one moment, I'm sitting here thinking how sweet it is that Hudson wants to help me get out of this situation, then the next my hands are on his cheeks, my lips pressed against his. I have no explanation, other than it just felt natural. I don't even know if he would reciprocate. I don't care. I needed to do this, for some reason. There is just something so pure about him in this moment that I couldn't see before.

Much to my surprise, he puts his hands on my waist and pulls me closer. I've kissed guys before. Mick, a kid named Lucas was my first, but it's never been like this. Never before has a kiss felt so...real. Perfect. As if all the fucked up things that have happened to me were worth it, just so I could learn to let someone else in after so much pain. I've always had problems with letting others get to know me. For years, I blamed myself for my mom leaving, and to an extent I still do. But maybe I can learn that it had nothing to do with me, and all to do with the hurt in her heart.

I pull away and smile at him. "I'll go to Chicago. I want to get out of South Carolina. No— it's a need."

"Okay...okay," he smiles like he's just been handed a check for a million dollars.

I press my forehead against his and close my eyes, holding onto the happiness of the moment for as long as I can. A question probes my mind though, and I can't help but ask. "Why are you so nice to me, Hudson?"

"What?"

"Why are you so nice to me?" I repeat.

Hudson sits back so he can look me in the face. I'm scared to hear his answer, that it might wash away the pure bliss of the moment before. But part of this openness is that I need to learn how to trust people. So right here, right now, I'm deciding to trust Hudson Whittaker. I hope that I won't grow to regret it.

"I will admit that at first it was really because I thought you were hot and wanted to sleep with you." I wince, but remember this is all about trust. "But you caught me off guard by denying all my attempts."

He pauses for a second then starts again. "Nobody has ever been so adamant with me. I don't remember the last time a girl told me no, and it was so refreshing to be humbled. Right then, I knew there was something different about you and I just...I needed to know you. I wanted to be your friend more than anything in the world. I still feel that way."

I'm starting to understand what he means, but I want him to keep going. I want to hear every single thing he's thinking. "Then we started to hang out more and more, and I realized that I love spending time with you. You don't like me because of my family, you like me because I'm me. And that's all I've ever wanted. For someone to want to be around me because they genuinely care about me, not because they're family or because I'm rich. Just for me. You see through me like no one ever has. Thank you for taking a chance on me. Thank you so much."

No one has ever thanked me for treating them like a human being. Outside of Dad and Lucas, I don't think I've ever meant so much to another person. Nobody ever thought I was special, not the way Hudson does. And never has anyone offered to help me escape an unbeatable situation. But now it finally feels like I can make it out and thrive. I think I might cry again of pure, unfiltered joy. Life feels beautiful, wild and wonderful once again. I feel like a flower in bloom, unfurling my petals and opening up to the world, all thanks to the bright rays of the sun. I can't get over this feeling.

"Thank you for your honesty," I say as I wrap my arms around his neck.

"You never have to thank me for something like that." He holds on against him. Even something as simple as a hug feels different. I'm not saying that hugging him before was bad, far from it. Now...it just feels a lot more authentic, if that makes sense.

We stay like this for a long time, wrapped up in each other, talking about whatever comes to mind. Silly, arbitrary things that wouldn't matter to anyone else, but I think we're both trying to learn as much about the other as possible. I know that's my motivation. I know I'm repeating myself over and over, but I am so happy. For the first time in years, I don't have this dark shadow looming over my shadow. I don't have to wake up and wonder if Selene is going to scream at me first thing in the morning. I don't have to be on constant guard that everyone is out to get me. I don't even have to worry about Mick finding me. How is he going to get me if I'm all the way in Chicago? He can't and it's the best feeling in the world.

When school got out, all I was hoping for was another boring summer where I hid away from the world unless I had to come out. I'm glad the universe didn't listen to my wish, it was stupid in hindsight. As much as I didn't want to go to that beach party, I'm glad I went. I met Hudson and got on the path to finally being able to heal from what happened. Since I've agreed to move to Chicago, I can transfer schools and finish up there. On top of having Hudson, I've got Damon, Emma and Adonis, each of them friends who I've grown to cherish.

Yeah. I'm glad this summer wasn't boring. I don't know if I could have taken another year, living the way I was.

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