INAMORATA || 18+

24| camila

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It's been a few days since Dove and I had our talk, and ever since I've been trying to write a song. I don't remember the last time I had the urge to put pen to paper, but what sucks is that I've got nothing. They're all stupid, worthless ideas. But it's supposed to be something meaningful, and wise, and something that people will cherish forever. Not the hogwash I'm coming up with.

"What's got your panties in a twist?" Damon asks as he comes up beside me.

"Having trouble with this song, that's all."

Damon picks up the yellow notepad, scanning it a few times. "What's the inspo?"

"Does it matter?" For some reason, I've been more inclined to keep things to myself recently. Especially anything involving Dove. I just want to keep my feelings to myself this one time, at least until I know what it means.

"Jeez, sorry I asked. It doesn't seem too bad. Sure, it's a little rough around the edges, but with the way your mind works, it'll be perfect in no time," he smiles. I know he's trying to reassure me, but I need this to be more than perfect.  "Do you have a name for it yet?"

I nod, but say nothing. I don't want to explain it to him, at least not yet. It would give away more than I want to let on. "Well?" he asks.

"Later," I tell him. "Will you listen to the demo at least? And let me know."

"Sure," he says, picking up the headphones and sliding them on carefully.

I watch his reactions carefully as he listens to the song. Unfortunately, my brother is not the most expressive person. He nods along, but that's the most I'm getting out of him for now.

He takes the headphones off and smiles at me. "I do like it, but I feel like you have the story in your mind, but you're stressing so much that you can't get the right words onto paper."

"Rude. But explain." I will admit that I pout slightly at his response. I thought it was at least solid.

"I feel like you mean well when you say she's no stranger to danger, but if you're going for sentimental and sweet, calling out her trauma isn't the way to go. When you think of this girl, what's the first emotion you think of?"

"The ocean...is that weird?."

Damon flips to a blank page, writing the word "Ocean."

"Then let's go from here. If she's the ocean, what are you?" I nod in agreement.

"How about...You're the ocean/I'm the breeze/We own the endless seas?"

There he goes, writing again. But this time he's got this goofy grin on his face. "See, there we go. You're not completely dried out, brother dearest."

"If you're gonna keep insulting me, I'm gonna kick your ass out," I joke.

Damon chuckles and shakes his head. "Now, what do you want the chorus to be?"

The chorus doesn't necessarily need to be raw, but it's what I want people to remember. It's what I want her to remember. Straight from the heart. Poetic but easy to understand. Obvious, but something that you need to sit on and think about for a little while before it fully registers.

"You're the dream/I'm asleep/Won't you stay a little longer?"

"Uh huh, keep it coming."

Damon and I work for what seems like hours, only stopping to grab drinks from the mini fridge. By the time we're done, "Camila" is done and I feel like I've poured my heart and soul into that song. I don't remember the last time I felt so raw after writing. Probably never, now that I think about it. But it feels good. And this song feels good. It feels fucking amazing actually.

Damon takes a swig of his beer before looking at me. "Is Dove's middle name Camila?"

And I've been caught. The other day she mentioned her middle name to me, and I just knew I had to make a song for her. I wasn't sure if she wanted her first name on it, so I figured her middle name would do just as well, if not better. It's one thing to put someone's first name on a song, especially when you say it everyday. But I think it really shows that you care to remember the little things when their middle name is the title. Maybe I'm the only one who holds that opinion, but I don't care. It makes sense in my head, and the song is called "Camila."

"That obvious?" I ask and he nods hesitantly.

"Dude. You are like...I don't know how to describe what it's like watching the two of you. It's like you guys see each other in a way that the other can't. In a way the rest of us can't. Like I know you guys always rag on me for the way I look at Adonis...but what the two of you have going on is an entirely different beast."

Is that what everyone thinks? I'm not upset about it, not in the slightest...I just didn't realize that some people viewed us like that. Especially me. I'm used to being labeled the selfish prick who just wants sex, and before this summer I would say that's 100% valid. But now...it's like anyone I met back home just left my mind the first time I saw her smile. She's captivated me from day one, and I can't deny that. I'd be a liar if I did. It's just interesting that people can see how I think about her entirely based on how I look at her.

But Damon didn't just mention me. He said she looked at me like that too. Do the same thoughts go through her head? Are they similar or entirely different? Does she think about me as often as I think about her? Maybe. I don't know. I hope all the answers to my questions are in my favor, but she's the only one who could tell me that.

Right now, though. I'm happy to just dump my feelings into these songs. Maybe I'll play them for her one day. Would she even want to hear them? I think she would. But would my feelings scare her? Maybe I should just bury them and pray they never see the light of day.

No. I can't do that. Not after Damon and I spent hours working on "Camila." I want to record it and I want to play it for her. I need her to know just how often she runs around my brain, and this is the best way I know to tell her.

"Damon, you wanna record this tonight?" I ask.

He smirks. "I thought you'd never ask."

We spend all night recording, mixing, re-recording, and re-mixing the song until it's perfect. I could just leave it digital, but I don't want it to be a link on her phone. A friend of the family up in Charleston knows how to make records, so I'll give him a call and ask him to put it on a vinyl. I don't mind paying the extra cost to get it here in the next day or two. If I remember correctly, she has her own record player, but if not, we have multiple throughout the house.

"You should feel proud," Damon says. "I think this might be the best song you've made yet."

Yeah. He's right. It is the best song I've ever made, and I don't think I could ever make anything better.

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