Heartless and Disorientated

i'll never know

staring a black screen not sure what to type anymore because this village sucks the fucking life out of me.

i don't want to be here anymore i dont want to feel this anymore i just want to know if you're alive and i want to know what you're thinking and i want to stop thinking stop feeling stop time itself and shift into another world because i simply can't handle this one much longer a relapse of five years ago, bathtubs, razorblades and ropes around necks and wrists scars of all types i can still them when i look down even if they're long gone. somewhere along the line i made a mistake, now i miss being indifferent to the world.

this village is sucking the fucking life out of me i can't eat i cant sleep and i can't keep myself awake and i can't get out of bed in time in the mornings. i can't walk i cant talk i can't allow myself to make friends and i just can't get over these flames in my chest. i just can't stop myself anymore, i can't put up walls but i can't get through them either and i'm stuck in a loop of loneliness and helplessness, endless emptiness, a hole carved into my flesh, into my heart, a puzzle piece sweeper into the trash and long gone, or maybe just missing, hidden somewhere under my bed. i'll never know.