Chasing Star

6-Happy We Became Friends

"Dad" I called out in the pitch black room.

The last thing I remember is going to bed. Now, I don't know where I was or what I was doing.My near surroundings where dark. For a moment I considered myself blind due to the lack of light.  I searched the room for any kind of light or setting, but to no avail.

I stepped forward.  My arms swung as I slipped on something underneath me.  Unable to catch my balance, I expected to fall on a hard surface, but instead it was the opposite. Whatever I landed on was soft and quite large.

It was like something switched in the room. A light hovered above me, though there was no source. I looked up, expecting to see the owner of the light, but there was none.Instead of pondering, I took the opportunity to look down at the surface.

It was my father. Blue in the face ,eyes shut with a blank expression. It was my dead father.

"Dad" I croaked out.

My voice was hoarse as I choked back hot tears "Wake up, Please." I knew that my plea did nothing. It was helpless.

I sobbed hysterically in the darkness, as I stare down at my dead father.

Like a stadium, the room was lit up with lights. I stood up from my position, my face wet with pained tears.I looked around with a stance of fear, despite the strong expression I attempted to hold.

"What is this? What is happening?" I shouted at nothing.

Seconds passed with no response. I jumped as the lights cut off and I was again surrounded by darkness.

"Dad" My scream pierced through the whole house. It was  the only sound other than the thunder outside. I kept my eyes closed and paid attention to my breathing.

It doesn't matter where I fall asleep- on the couch , a bench in a park or in my bed with the covers pulled up like a shield.

The nightmares always find me.

With their long, terrifying claws, they stroke the nape of my neck and coax that night's traumatic events to come out and haunt me. Torture me until I wake up sobbing, shaking, sweating  and infected with the guilt  that has cemented itself into my bones since the moment I got the heart wrenching news about my dad.

This experience is like the web of a spider, strong and sticky, ready to trap its prey and suffocate it.

My mind is the spider and the memories are the web - I'm trapped and can't get out.

Tears prick the corner of my eyes once again as I thought about my dad. At every intake of breath , I shut my eyes as the pain only grew tighter inside of my heart.  

Lights spill into the room, blinding me. It only increases my panic, reminding me of the nightmare. I squeezed my eyes shut as I tried to get the images of my dad's  lifeless body out of my mind.

Suddenly, I felt a  pair of arms wrap around my shaking figure.

"Honey" Mum says " Breathe, you're OK . I am here."

I collapsed into my mum's arms, letting the pain overpower me as I cried into her shoulder. Small sobs leave my lips as I try to forget everything and concentrate on my breathing.

" I've got you, Kimberly " She whispered "Take tiny deep breaths. In and out"

If only it was that easy.

If only deep breathes could cure this everlasting pain and fill the empty void in my heart and not eat away at my guts with every passing second that passes.