𝐒𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒

「 five o'clock 」

chapter forty three

「 five o'clock 」

♱

   IT WAS QUARTER past five and she was yet to sleep. She wasn't even thinking which was unusual for her but she was craving that serenity once more. The quiet snores of those around her had sent her into a meditated state as she stared at the ceiling, wishing that she go back to that water dome of darkness. No responsibility, no hardships, no conflicting emotions. She missed it but she couldn't go back, not now at least. Her mind was drawn to the girl next to her, she had made Isadora stay over because Eleanor couldn't have left her alone. The pain that she caused was all her fault. Maybe that's why she couldn't sleep, what if she tried to do it again? Eleanor had no control over what had happened and that's scared her more than anything. What was stopping her from hurting someone, again?

   Sliding out of the bed, she pulled on the hoodie she stole from Sirius back in October. It still smelled the same: ginger, cedarwood, and amber. Yet it was more muted, the smell of cigarettes swirling over the cologne. She hadn't worn it a while and believed that the house-elves had sent it to the wash multiple times even though it had been tucked into her dresser drawer.

The girl unlocked the hatch and hauled herself out, being careful to not make a sound, before closing it behind her. Across the grounds, the sun was beginning to rise to warm up the beautiful spring day. She took a seat where the tiles met the flat stone as goosebumps raced up her exposed legs since the morning air was still chilling.

   Pulling out a packet of cigarettes, she pulled one out and placed it between her lips. There was a small squeak of some hinges before the boys' hatch pushed open and Sirius pulled himself through. He hadn't noticed her presence but she wasn't swift to make it aware. Simply watching the sunrise until he noticed that she was there. Eleanor patted down her pockets, looking for her lighter as he took a seat beside her - cutting off the circulation of cold air momentarily.

   "Need a light?" His voice was husky, clearly, he had only woken up in the past ten minutes. She nodded, turning to face him. Striking the wheel, his hand blocked the wind as he held it up to the cigarette and his eyes didn't budge from hers. The morning light picked up the contours of his face perfectly, casting a shadow on his sharp features. It also illuminated those stormy eyes that traced her face before it was hidden by wisps of smoke. It had been a while since she had admired him and she felt that swarm of butterflies swirling through her stomach. She missed the simpler things.

   Slowly pulling the cigarette away from her lips, she took the smoke back in a french inhale before exhaling in his direction. The boy hadn't even moved, only a small smirk pulling on his lips as she did so. But the blonde turned her head, leaning back on the tiled roof as she took another drag of her cigarette which gave him time to light his own. In that moment, things felt normal. Whatever normal meant anymore.

   Just the two of them, like the nights at Schivon Manor.

   Once he laid down beside her, she didn't hesitate on moving her head into his chest and his hand snaked around her waist - pulling her closer. They both stared at the rising sun, preparing themselves for the day ahead. This time, they weren't alone. They had each other and Eleanor was reminded of that every time he drew a breath or took a drag of his cigarette.

   "You're freezing." He said as his fingertips grazed her outer thigh, she merely smiled as she exhaled some smoke.

   "Well, I would be very concerned if I wasn't," Elle replied, causing a smile to pull at his lips. "Besides, I best be heading back - I haven't had any sleep." She told him, earning a raised brow from him.

   "Wasn't you supposed to be resting?" He asked and Eleanor looked away.

   "When have I ever listened?" Eleanor replied. But he didn't seem so cheerful anymore, he actually looked concerned. Though Eleanor was right, she never listened to what was best for herself - only what was best for others. It was an endless cycle.

   "Ella..." He trailed off. The girl knew that tone so well. He was worried but he didn't need to be; she was fine.

   "Sirius..." The blonde returned with an infectious smile, locking him in her trance. She reached up, cupping his face. He didn't say much, just enjoying the contact. Her thumb slowly grazed back and forth over his cheek as she tried to find her words. But she couldn't utter a word. She was transfixed on him.

   "Why can't we just stay like this?" Sirius suggested,  causing the girl to crack a smile. If only she could stay like that forever. There, she was untouchable from everything, even her own thoughts.

"It'd be unfair on everyone else." She replied, pulling her hand back down to his chest. The boy looked down at her, studying her for a second. Even now, she was thinking of others - it was kind of amazing.

   "Do you ever stop thinking of other people?" The boy asked, holding her tighter.

   "Who would I be if I didn't?" She replied.